I will start with a lot of my jokes are stolen from the other side of the world on Kombi Club forum. Anyway………. A drunk man who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis? 'The priest replies, 'My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.' The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned", then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about the way he had spoken to the man, nudged him and apologised. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill, The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live, there's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..' So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before. They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320. Then he gets the full house and wins £1000. Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting £380,000. The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, 'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full-house and the national game on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!' 'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24 .' Blimey says the Bingo caller. 'You've won the raffle as well !!
