Whats the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? A Kangaroo is a Marsupial native to Austalia A Kangaroot is what a Geordie says if hes stuck in a lift.
A bloke walks into a pub and says, ”Can you remove this steering wheel from my pants?” The bartender says, ”Why is that there? Is it annoying?” “Yes,” said the bloke , ”it’s driving me nuts.”
ten minutes later, a white horse walks into the same pub and the barman says, " Hey! there's a pub down the road named after you..." and the horse says "What? Dave?..."
paddy has a job at the zoo ,( I'm half Irish ) .The head keeper tells him that the female gorilla is on heat and would he for £500 do the business.as there is no male gorilla to keep her happy After some thought he agrees on 3 conditions 1 There will be no kissing 2 My family must never be told about it and 3 I need a couple of weeks to come up with the money
englishman irishman and frenchman ,sitting in a bar chatting , the english man said ive gota son who was born on st georges day , we called him george , oh wee said the frenchman ,we had our daughter on valentines day and called her valentine , oh said the irishman we had a little girl too but she was born on shrove tuesday ,we called her pancake .
Bloke in a bar has a drink and then brings out of his bag a tiny little man who he sits at the piano and he bangs out a brilliant tune - the barman asks where he got him from - the bloke says " a fairy gave me one wish and I asked for a 12" penis - turns out she was a deaf fairy"
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?...........................................................Ones a very heavy Mammal.......The other is a little lighter!
Went out for a curry last night and had a Chicken Tarka.......................................................It's like a Chicken Tikka but a little Otter!
A drunk walking along a path heard a small voice shouting "help" He looked down and saw a small fairy trapped in a spiders web. After he freed her she said she would grant him three wishes. For his first wish he asked for a never emptying bottle of Guinness, granted. So he drunk the bottle and sure enough it filled up again. Three times he tried it and it filled every time. The fairy kept looking at her watch and tapping her tiny feet and said what would you like for your other two wishes? The drunk looked at her through bleary eyrs and thought. And eventually said I would like Two more of these please
Two drunk Americans in Temple bar bragging about the US... "We're so damned good we were the first nation to put a man on the moon..." Podraigh, behind the bar says "Ah! to be sure, but we Irish are planning to be the first to put a man on the Sun..." "No way fella...You'll be burned to a crisp before you get within a million miles..." said one of the Yanks Poddy winks and says "Ah...but we're going at night"
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine..."
