Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Well it's the new year, so I thought about how to make some money.. I approached the bank manager for a business loan.. he asked me what was my plans.. I told him I was going to invent an invisible aeroplane to which he replied.... I can't give you a loan as I can't see it taking off !!!
     
  2. Zed

    Zed Gradually getting grumpier

    Has COVID-19 forced you to wear a mask as well as glasses? You may be entitled to condensation.
     
  3. Zed

    Zed Gradually getting grumpier

    A woman went to her doctor for advice.



    She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea. "Do you enjoy it?" The doctor asked. "Actually, yes, I do". "Does it hurt you?" he asked. "No. I rather like it". "Well, then" the doctor continued "there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant".



    The woman was mystified. "What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?"



    "Of course" the doctor replied "Where do you think politicians come from?"
     
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  4. Zed

    Zed Gradually getting grumpier

    I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark, then I woke up and realised it was just a bream.
     
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  5. Today I asked my son what he thought of the Tory party. His response was "I've no idea, I wasn't at any of them."
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2022
    snotty, Day, Sydney and 6 others like this.
  6. Sproggy4830

    Sproggy4830 Supporter

    Dont you just hate it when your finger goes through the toilet paper, Other than that i love my new job at the care home.
     
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  7. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Supporter and teachers pet

  8. Zed

    Zed Gradually getting grumpier

    “Doctor, I think I’ve got a problem with my hearing.”

    “Can you describe the symptoms?”

    “Sure. Marge has blue hair, Homer is fat & bald”.
     
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  9. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    Took me a moment…….:oops:
     
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  10. Soggz

    Soggz An inquisitive supporter

    Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds.

    “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.”

    The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. After Mr Singh leaves, the loan officer, the bank's president and all their colleagues enjoy a good laugh at the man for using a £250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a £5,000 loan.

    One of the employees drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, Mr Singh returns, repays the £5000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41.

    The loan officer says, "Sir, I must tell you, we’re all a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and discovered that you’re a multimillionaire. Why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

    The man replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41?" Lol
     
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  11. Pudelwagen

    Pudelwagen Supporter

    He could have parked it in Barnsley for nowt!
     
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  12. But would it not be up on bricks two weeks later? :D
     
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  13. Pudelwagen

    Pudelwagen Supporter

    In Liverpool they do it in two hours!
     
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  14. DamonW

    DamonW Supporter

    Dad joke
    Why do divers fall out of boats backwards?

    -
    If they fell forwards they would still be in the boat!
     
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  15. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Supporter and teachers pet

    Stallone: I’m making a documentary about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.
    Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart.
    Schwarzenegger : *takes deep breath*…..
     
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  16. CollyP

    CollyP Moderator

    I'll be Beethoven"?
     
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  17. Soggz

    Soggz An inquisitive supporter

    “I’ll be Brahms and Litz?”
     
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  18. 77 Westy

    77 Westy Supporter

    Last edited: Feb 11, 2022

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