Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. [​IMG]


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  2. jivedubbin

    jivedubbin Moderator

    I'm glad to see all the latest jokes are on trend
     
  3. jivedubbin

    jivedubbin Moderator

    We also have a selection of coats and hats at the ready
     
    Gingerbus, F_Pantos and Jack Tatty like this.
  4. Disappointed you can’t go to your local Weatherspoon's? Create the experience at home by drinking beer that's warm, eating a burger made from cardboard, putting a Bernard Manning DVD on in the background and threatening yourself with a knife after six pints.
     
  5. BF7194E3-7C8E-4C6A-A5D9-BBDA88BAB470.jpeg
     
  6. If anybody wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly, I have a few back issues.
     
  7. I hope they have been fumigated
     
    jivedubbin likes this.
  8. Single man with toilet rolls would like to meet a female with hand sanitizer..... for good clean fun!


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  9. I had a check up, with my doctor recently. He asked about my levels of physical activity.
    He asked “Do you do sports?”
    I said “Does sex count?”
    The doctor said “Yes.”

    I replied “Then no.”
     
  10. Like the old couple video where they are being interviewed and man says “you have two options with lock down “,
    a)” you can stay in together “ or b)

    lady says quickly” ill take b” :D
     
  11. Coat!
     
  12. Apparently there was a woman in Morrisons local in a zorb ball . The site is “the Big Bang theory fans “ .Funny prank if you fancy a laugh !
     
  13. ron

    ron

    Next door neighbour just been rushed into hospital struggling to breathe, they put him on one of those new Dyson ventilators and now he’s picking up nicely
     
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    Just me?
     
    Uncle Nick and cunny44 like this.
  15. A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
    "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
    Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
    He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
    Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
    pulls back the covers.
    She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
    She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
    The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
    "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

    "Are - my - test - results - back?"
     
  16. In English class teacher asked little Millie if she could give an example of a sentence with the word contagious in it. Little Millie have it some thought, then replied. "When the neighbour across the road started to paint his house with a two inch brush, dad said it'd take that contagious."
     
  17. And put on the Walking Dead, as company.
     
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  18. Last night I had a dream I was swimming in an ocean of jaffa soda



    But it was just a Fanta sea .
     
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  19. I stuck map of the world on the kitchen wall and said to my wife.
    Here is one dart, throw it at the map and wherever it lands when this virus thing is over that is where we will go.







    I never knew she was such a lousy darts player.





    We are now going to have two weeks behind the fridge
     
    Merlin Cat, Day, Barneyrubble and 6 others like this.
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    S1mon, snotty, Barneyrubble and 6 others like this.

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