Q) How many folk music fans does it take to change a light bulb? A) Five; one to screw in the new bulb and four to complain about it being electric.
I went to the Ann Summers shop to get my wife a saucy birthday present. I asked the assistant “are these knickers Satin?” She said “ no..they’re new”…
Top 10 jokes of the Fringe this year Starting with number 1 I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah. Lorna Rose Treen The most British thing I’ve ever heard? A lady who said ‘Well I’m sorry, but I don’t apologise.’ Liz Guterbock Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now. Amos Gill When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it’s called a podcast. Sikisa I thought I’d start off with a joke about The Titanic – just to break the ice. Masai Graham How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag. Frank Lavender My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He’s Costa-phobic. Roger Swift I entered the ‘How not to surrender’ competition and I won hands down. Bennett Arron Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch. William Stone My grandma describes herself as being in her ‘twilight years’ which I love because they’re great films. Daniel Foxx
My favourite of those is the “How not to surrender” one, I thought the winning one a bit lame, but that’s just me I guess
I got sacked today from my job at the soup kitchen all I said was “ hurry up some of us have got homes to go to “
Seasonal stuff in shops seems to get earlier and earlier. I went into a shop and saw birthday cards today and my birthday isn't until next May
