Took the kids to see Walt Disney on Ice, last night. Bit disappointing. It was just some old bloke in a freezer.
I hired a handyman to do some work around the house. I gave him a ‘to do’ list. When I got home he’d only done jobs 1, 3 and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.
My wife looked seductively at me last night and said “ What starts with F and ends in K?” I said “No it doesn’t “…
Don't buy Evian bottled water, i realised it spells naive backwards. I now buy Tawtelbillug, i think it's Greek.
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee? He declines. "Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. "It's this Viagra," he says. It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."
A vegetarian and a vegan on top of a cliff decides to jump off together to see who hits the ground first. Who wins? society.
