Panto script

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dicky, Dec 18, 2013.

  1. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Queen Birdy was stood there forlornly holding the steering wheel of a Fiat in her hand and crying
     
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  2. "Queen @Birdy of Croydonia" announced Hailfrank, who was hastily dusting himself off to appear less dishevelled.
    "May I take your Steering Wheel and cloak Ma'am?" asked HF handing her a tissue....
     
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  3. "Please...take mine" announced Lord @snotty, who was standing by her shoulder, sporting a Racoon-trimmed Doublet."Keep it. I have many others, such is my dreadful constitution" said Lord S, handing her a silk kerchief bearing the initials TBR in one corner....
     
  4. "Why Good Sir? From whence did you acquire such a beautiful kerchief?" enquired Queen Birdy, "Tis such finery and the needlepoint is exquisite. Tell me. What do the initials TBR stand for? Your name perhaps?"
    Realizing his terrible mistake, Lord @snotty looked aghast at the embroidery and said....
     
  5. sANDYbAY

    sANDYbAY On benefits-won't sponsor!

    @kenregency and sANDYbAY arrived at the ball the assembled throng gasped in awe of their beauty and poise.
    They casually tossed their cloaks at the grovelling terror dale and headed straight for the bar.

    [​IMG]

    They were shocked that all the oil had been drunk by a strange Paradox
     
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  6. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Meanwhile Queen Birdy was wailing loudly and cursing the Italian car salesman who had taken her in with his Latin charm and alluring smile...
     
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  7. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    The doorbell chimed the familiar Zed towers anthem ( The steptoe and son theme tune) and Hailfrank hobbled over to announce the arrival of those ever popular scrap metal magnates Lady JennyB and Lord Bern....
     
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  8. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    The scene was set for a right royal rave...

    Cue E popping and drum n base music



    Curiously Ricketta had replaced all Poppys cds with Abba songs?
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2013
  9. Shortly sfterwards a similarly grand carriage with gleaming hubcaps arrived at Zed towers. Out stepped Viscount @theBusmonkey accompanied by His Holiness, @lost-en-france and their ever present Dwarf Mystic Swami @jammy, clothed in his usual loin cloth and bejewelled Turban
     
  10. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Bernhard Fishtrousers left quietly...
     
  11. when no one was watching, and crept surreptitiously into Master Zed's private boudoir, where who should he see but...
     
  12. @Lord Congi , Lord Snotty, @Mabel (the mad monk) and Colonel @Keith.H rolling away the Persian carpet, to reveal a trapdoor, which led directly to the scullery....and The prototype Tart that was slowly rising to perfection
     
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  13. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Back on the Thelwall viaduct Poppy and Ettys cab began leaking rain " How can I tell where its coming in from?" poppy asked...

    At that moment. Wizard the Welsh troll peaked out from under the bridge......
     
  14. brandishing a bucket in one hand and an dusty looking copy of "The Bumper Book of Spelling" in the other. The Troll sprang up in front of the Lorry, forcing Poppy to brake hard. Etty, who was wiping around her mouth with a tissue at the time, slid forwards and banged his her head on the dashboard, losing a false eyelash in the proccess. The Troll looked deep into to Poppy's eyes and said in the gruffest of tones "I will show you from whence your leak has sprung. But first you must pay me five golden Karma nuggets."
    "Pay the man ffs" said Etty, who was now feverishly mopping up the blood from the dash before it coagulated..."All this rainwater is playing havoc with my Bouffant, and my black, strapless number is ruined...how can I turn up to the Ball looking like Nigella on a good day?" Poppy duly took out five nuggets from his pouch and handed them to the Troll...The Troll opened his book, placed his boney index finger on the first page and began to mouth the words "A is for Apple...B is for Bucket...C is for Ca....t? D, er....? oh f"ck it...and duly placed the pail under the passenger's side front pillar...
     
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2013
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  15. Meanwhile, the two Lords, the Mad monk and the Colonel, stole their way down the dusty staircase which wound it's way to the Kitchen. "What's that smell?" asked @Lord Congi, as they reached the tiny wooden door.
    "Bless my brigadier's breeches!" guffawed the Colonel, "If I'm not mistaken, it's hot Morris 30's..." Mabel the Monk, gazed heavenward, genuflexing repeatedly...
     
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  16. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    "That wasn't really helping!" Poppy shouted back at the troll as he sped away over the bridge towards Yorkshire ....
     
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2013
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  17. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Good heavens man cried Zed. If Lord Charles was here we could open the Abbots legs and have our fill of the brown ...
     
  18. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Poppy and Etty arrived tired and hungry at their friend Wooylubbers house. Sadly it was boarded up and a note on the door announced he had gone south for the winter as he had grown old and soft and was unable to sup ale any longer. Zoe and Paley Woodys aging housekeeper and gardener appeared from the coalhouse and beckoned Poppy and Etty in.

    They explained how Woody had left them in charge but was unwilling to pay them but had been kind enough to leave them the key to the coalhouse.

    They offered Poppy and Etty a bed for the night and Zoe touched Poppys Knee......
     
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  19. "Give over lass" exclaimed poppy, I'm betrothed to Etty, my one true love! " now pass that voddy over, that leaky cab has really given me the chills"
    "I'll warm you my lover, if you climb into this coal sack with me" purred Etty, fluttering her one remaining eye lash and flashing her......
     
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  20. tooth provocatively.
    Now while this was going on, all the guests at the Ball were summoned to attention. Master Zed, with swagger stick in hand, proceeded to rap loudly on his wooden leg. Silence befell those gathered in the Ballroom, save the incessant sniveling of Lord @snotty, who was still trying to avoid Queen Birdy's questioning gaze. Zed cleared his throat, and said in his most formal voice:
    "Lords, Ladies and Gentlefolk...I would like to extend the warmest of welcomes to you all, and wish to Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for gracing my humble abode with such dignified a presentiment. As befits such an glittering occasion, to demonstrate my gratitude, I have taken it upon myself to prepare a special surprise..... a veritable feast for the soul....a culinary confection the likes of which has never been seen, nor one which you are likely to forget.
    Master Zed looked over to @hailfrank. his vacuous Valet, and nodded in the direction of the Kitchen. HF scuttled off to fetch the spice-laden piece de resistance.
    "Gentlemen.....Ladies.....I give you "The prototype Tart"....
     
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