Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. God was bored and went missing for six days. The Archangel Gabriel found him resting on the seventh day.
    "What have You been up to?" he said.
    "I've created the planet Earth and it will be a place of great balance."
    "Balance?" said Gabriel.
    God explained.
    North America would be wealthy and South America would be poor.
    "Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there a continent of black people."
    God talked of different countries.
    "That one will be hot and that one will be covered with ice."
    Gabriel was impressed and pointed to an area in England and said:
    "What's that?"
    "Ah," said God.
    "That is Yorkshire, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful lakes, streams, rivers and hills, great music, architecture, and sporting giants. The people from Yorkshire will be modest, intelligent and witty. They will be sociable, hard working and high achievers. They will be known throughout the world as diplomats and peace-makers."
    Gabriel gasped in admiration, thought for a moment, and said: "But what about balance, God? You said there will be balance."
    "Ah," said God, nodding sagely, "let me tell you about Lancashire..."
  2. I phoned the wife and said, “I’ve got something to tell you but it’s difficult to say”.
    “Go on”, she said nervously.
    “Ken Dodds dads dog’s dead”, I replied.
    Merlin Cat1, Meltman and Jack Tatty like this.
  3. Just read that the company that make Yard Sticks are not making them any longer....
    Sydney, Huyrob, Pudelwagen and 7 others like this.
  4. Went through some old boxes in the attic the other day and found one of those books of ‘sex cheques’ my Mrs gave me for my birthday many moons ago when we were young and in love. Tried to redeem one with her, turns out she’s gone contactless.
  5. I will be sharing the 'Turkey' one with every male friend I know come the afternoon of 25th December (after I've been to the local pub).




    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
  6. I went to a psychiatrist and said "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a cricket ball". "Really? How's that?". "Oh, don't you bloody start".
  7. Just found out the girl I'm dating has a wooden leg. I'm wondering if I should just break it off.
  8. Have you ever dated an optician. When she says, does my bum look big in this? And now?
    Marty SmartyCat, Coda, Huyrob and 4 others like this.
  9. I've just found out that if I put a bag of bread on my head it helps me lose weight..
    I think its called a loaf hat diet !!!
    Day, Sydney, Marty SmartyCat and 6 others like this.
  10. No use giving her a loan then. The interest will be zero!
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    cunny44, nicktuft, jivedubbin and 7 others like this.
  12. Pudelwagen and paradox like this.
  13. A Genie granted me one wish.

    I said "I just want to be happy"

    Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 dwarves and working in a mine [​IMG]
  14. Ken Dodd died yesterday!

    Did he?

    No, Doddy .
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    cunny44 likes this.
  16. I once bought a dog from a blacksmith.

    When I got him home he made a bolt for the door.

  17. Ants don't get covid because they have these tiny little anty bodies.
    Sydney, Marzydj, Huyrob and 5 others like this.
  18. Get your coat, Mr Darby.
    crossy2112 and Mark Darby like this.
  19. :D it made me chuckle
    snotty likes this.

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