Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. I’ve been planting my herb garden so it’s all in alphabetical order. My mate said, “How do you find the time?”
    I said,“It’s next to the sage”.
     
  2. C.O.A.T...
     
    Gingerbus, Meltman and Jack Tatty like this.
  3. No pleasing some folk
     
  4. At least your spelling has improved lol
    Should have read
    Snow teasing dum yolk
     
    Gingerbus and Tilly like this.
  5. Oh no that is exactly what I wrote predictive text again;)
     
  6. Screenshot_20210118-133645.png
     
  7. FB_IMG_1611669659990.jpg
     
    Kkkaty, jivedubbin, Gingerbus and 5 others like this.
  8. Better a couple of days late than never:

    Hurt my arm this morning and had to go to hospital for an x-ray. As I was sitting waiting to be seen, the lad next to me says," Fair fa yer honest sonsie face! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to the the lady sat on my other side, she said, "Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!". As I grabbed the next doc walking past I said, "here mate is this the psychiatric ward?" He says," no this is the burns unit! . happy rabbie burns day xx
     
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  9. IMG-20210127-WA0017.jpg
     
  10. Screenshot_20210127-164327.png
     
  11. Screenshot_20210120-095442.png
     
    Uncle Nick, Kkkaty, Day and 6 others like this.
  12. Now, now Bazza, you know you shouldn't mock the afflicted! ;)
     
    Barry Haynes likes this.
  13. A man goes into a record shop and asks if they have any records with wasps on.

    “Yes I do” said the man in the shop, “Would you like to hear it”

    “Yes please"

    The shop assistant played it.

    “ Thank you. That was nice” says the man,”Could I hear the B side now?”
     
    Uncle Nick, nicktuft, Dubs and 7 others like this.
  14. A lawyer opened the door of his Volkswagen Touareg, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious Touareg. "Officer, look what they've done to my Touareg!!!", he whiningly said. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid VW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my god....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?
     
    Uncle Nick, Day, Jack Tatty and 3 others like this.
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  16. Last year I set up a business in my attic building yachts. Sails are going through the roof. :cool:
     
  17. Yorkshireman takes his car to the garage to have the spark plugs changed. Mechanic says "Are they Champion?' Yorkshireman says "No, they're not".
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2021
  18. Very good!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 3, 2021
  19. We’re here all week! Bingo’s at 8pm.
     
    Jack Tatty likes this.

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