An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Hi guys, just wanted to take a minute to wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy year, most of all good health! These days people don't spend much time or thought on some personal words to their friends and family, they just copy and paste some random message and send it on. So after all we've been though together this year I want to thank you for your friendship and wish you a happy and fulfilling 2018 - you’re the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for. Best wishes, Helen
Dear Santa I'm very cross. All I wanted for Christmas was a thesaurus, but you didn't bring one which has made me cross. I don't understand why and I'm very cross about it. Really very cross. Very very cross. Best regards John
You appear to be stuck on cross words then! I could suggest some others with five letters: Angry Livid Irate Riled Vexed Upset Irked Narky Mardy Etc.
Bill walked into a bar and ordered a pint, as he started to drink it bang, he fell to the floor stunned and looked up and a guy was stood over him hands extended in a karate type move, and said Cambridge Karate champion 2010. Next night same bar just about to have a drink bang, he hit the deck same guy prancing around said, Luton Karate champion 2011 Three time that week it happened again Bedford karate champion 2012, Peterborough Karate champion 2013. Then on the Friday Bill went to the bar a bit late and stood there at the bar was the Karate guy, bang and the Karate guy hit the deck. When he could focus he looked up and Bill was stood over him with an iron bar in his hand, Bill held out and iron bar and said. Austin A35 starting handle 1953.
A Mate of mine got struck of the medical register yesterday for having sex with one of his patients. Pity really he was a damn good Vet.
An elderly couple noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"
Shortly before my granddad died, we smothered his back with lard. he went downhill very quickly after that.
Car windscreen was frozen this morning and with no defroster I had to scrape it with an old discount card. I only managed to get 15% off.
My Mrs text me “Windows frozen up” i replied “just pour warm water on it “ 2 minutes later, she text again “laptop not working at all now”
