Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Still lost on me....
     
  2. Bless. :)
    attract her
    a tractor
     
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  3. Thanks. Got it
     
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  4. It’s ok Ray, you’re not the only one :oops:
     
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  5. I despair!
     
  6. What the actual !!!!!! I have just left Asda and I have NEVER been so disgusted in all my life... The nerve of some people OMG I am fuming!!!! anyways Picked up a basket started walking around to get a few things and I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No big deal. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING AT ME! So now I'm like, "What the hell is her problem?!" I finish up our shopping and head to the tills. Guess who is there ahead of me? The staring lady!! She turns around and starts staring at me again. So I start playing with my phone because at this point it's getting weird and really uncomfortable! Finally she says, "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who passed away." I thought to myself, "It makes sense now." I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo and said, "Sorry for your loss." She says, "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and I'll understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mum!?' I was like what the Hell, but I know people have different ways of getting over a loss so I went ahead and did it. She smiled and thanked me, and left at this point i was like as if thats just happened. Anyway the cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to £100.87 and I'm like, what the f**k ! I just bought a few things and I knew it should have been like £20. The women then tells me that my total was included with my mums. I'm like, "WTH?!" She said, "Your mum said you were paying for her stuff along with your things. I told her that that woman was NOT my mum. She said, "Well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mum! I'm like OMG! I can't believe this! I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair!!! I seen her putting her shopping in the boot and I started running towards her. She saw me and jumped in her car so fast. I got to her just as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg. She struggled but I kept pulling then her wooden leg came off right in my hands!! Im thinking, OMG! Is this really happening right now?!
    So I dropped the wooden leg and grabbed her other leg and started pulling...
    Just like I'm pulling yours right now!
     
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  7. Gosport.... perhaps not the female g’spt!
     
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  8. I live in gosport lol!!!
     
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  9. I went to my local Tesco to buy some black olives but all they had were green ones, green olives stuffed with cheese, green olives stuffed with sun dried tomatoes, green pitted olives, green olives with stones but no black olives shame on you Tesco black olives matter
     
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  10. I was watching two blokes throwing a frisby in the park on Sunday, and I thought to myself, I wonder why it is the closer a frisby gets the bigger it looks


    And then it hit me
     
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  11. I once asked Bazza and @Suss how many sexual relations they had, they both started counting........ then fell to sleep.
     
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  12. ...but they always fall asleep after a couple....
     
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  13. That's a very baaa'd joke :)

    Sent from my SM-T813 using Tapatalk
     
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  14. I thought they were trying to pull the wool over my eyes :rolleyes:
     
  15. Clearly no flies on ewe! :)

    Sent from my SM-T813 using Tapatalk
     
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  16. Thought you might try to ram that one home :rolleyes:
     
  17. The Flat Earth Society, is worried that social distancing will push some people over the edge.
     
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  18. I had a bloke at the front door, telling me he was from the Government doing a survey on people’s arses, and would I mind showing him mine. I did, and only realised after he’d gone that he wasn’t doing a survey at all - he just wanted to see my arse!

    I just feel so...cheap :(
     
  19. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    I’m not sure I understand this joke, am I being thick?
     
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