I've no idea why my new plug in air freshener won't work. I plug it in and switch it on an nothing happens. It just doesn't make scents.
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude". "You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk." The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my *****ing fault!
I went to a golf pro for some lessons. He watched me swing, watched me chip and watched me putt before saying “I think you need to chop about a foot off the end of your clubs”. I was astounded at the Yoda-esque idea and said “wow, will that change my game that much?” “No”, he replied, “you just wouldn’t be able to fit your clubs in the bin without doing that”.
When me and the ex got divorced it was totally amicable and we split the house 50/50. Unfortunately, she got the inside.
I know, I even emailed them to her at both the hospital and the university. Living life on the edge, that's me.
