A woman is running for a bus as it pulls away from the stop. She keeps running after it though, up hills, down avenues, through puddles, all the way to the next stop. When the driver opens the door, the lady stood there, sopping wet from both sweat and rainwater, panting and out of breath. The driver says “crikey love, there would have been another bus along in 10 minutes!” “Oh”, she said between gasps for breath, “I don’t need a bus, I just had to tell you that I’m a vegan”.
Just a joke about the fact that vegans seem to have to tell you they're vegan at any given opportunity
Why do they keep having to change the names of old country pubs .Went in one the other day it was called “the disappointed virgin” I said to the landlady why did they change it she said we preferred it to the half way inn !
I went to the doctors today because of my hearing difficulties. He said ‘can you describe the symptoms?’ I said Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hai
I won't be on The forum for a while, the Police are investigating me regarding the theft of an Inflatable Mattress....gotta lilo.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. I had amnesia once -- or twice. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. What if there were no hypothetical questions? One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. How can there be self-help "groups"? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? The speed of time is one-second per second Is it possible to be totally partial? Is Marx's tomb a communist plot? If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
I bought some lion repellent on eBay the other day. Thought it might be a scam at first, but I’ve still not seen one.
Old, but worth repeating today... My mate has two tickets for the England vs Sweden game. He didn't realise that it's going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go. If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Andrew's Church in Cambridge and her name is Sarah.
