Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.
Absolutely right, memory playing tricks again.
Paddy’s on the final question for a million on who wants to be a millionaire . Clarksons says which bird doesn’t build a nest ? a ) black bird b) cuckoo c) pigeon d) sparrow . Paddy says I don’t know ! I’ll phone a friend .so they phone his friend Micheal and he asked him the question . He shouts it’s b ) cuckoo , so paddy says how sure are you . Micheal says 100 % paddy says are you sure Micheal says yes stupid they live in a cuckoo clock .!!
It was on their album Hedgehog Sandwhich.
Tis is an old joke but with Fantasy Football starting up recently I thought it might be appropriate
David Beckham was hauled in by Fergie to see why he was off his game.
DB says he's losing sleep over a jigsaw puzzle he can't finish, it's a brilliant picture of a tiger and it's driving him nuts.
So the boss says bring it in and I'll help you if it gets you back on your game.
Next day DB walks in with the box and empties it out on the boss's desk.
He looks at it for a few seconds and says ok David, now put the Frosties back in the box.
A few weeks ago I bought a lizard from the pet shop and named him Rocky. From the moment I got it home it was the most aggressive and violent thing. Every time I put my hand near it would go for me, hiss and spit.
Eventually I took it to the vet to see if he could do anything. "Well" he said, "the problem is, you've given it an aggressive name. Rocky is a violent character. Try changing his name to something else"
So I took him home and renamed him Boy George. And ever since that day he's been a much calmer chameleon
And that was the last time you were asked to mind the children one would assume.
How many fish can you get in a pair of tights?
Two eels, two soles and a smelly plaice.
What about the chocolate starfish...?
Some (almost) one liners:
I have just seen a great deal on Amazon.
All of Adam & The Ants sheet music for £20 and they will throw in a stand and deliver.
I had a ploughmans lunch the other day. He was livid.
Q. How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. One. But it takes the entire emergency room staff to get it back out.
My dad used to say “son, always leave ‘em wanting more”.
Wonderful man. Terrible anaesthetist.
Have you been swapping jokes with Bazza' daughter Mr T.
My missus is fuming! All because I put ginger in a curry!
She did like that cat, though.
Hope Ermintrude doesn’t hear, she’ll be after you!
I assume you misspelled ‘Sheet’ deliberately to get round the decency filters?
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Why yes, yes I am.
Separate names with a comma.