A 65-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow. "The next day, the man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door,and she tried with both hands." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the darn jar open!"
young gay fella goes into a Butchers shop in Glasgow, butcher says "help ya fella ?" kid says " can i have a mince round please?" butcher says " suppose so , but be quick will you , we close in 5 mins !!!"
