I’ve bought something and I’m not going to polish or paint it

maybe both

 

Snotts, I did say that photo you took of me was just for you

 

are you making a norfern sat nav...

 

Sorry, mate. I forwarded it to "Hot Yorkshireman" magazine. Hope you don't mind. You're this month's centrefold.

 

I found a place online that reproduces 1900s maps
So I got one of the local area
I want to frame it and put it up on the living room wall.
I got quoted £80 upwards to get it framed
Sod that I thought
The one I’ve bought cost three quid from a buy sell swap page from a place that does house clearances.

 

A while ago, I bought the Tom Tom Yorkshire Edition SatNav. Absolutely useless - the thing's programmed to go where it bloody well likes.

 

Local satnav for local people

 

Amazing thing. When you turn the ignition on, it just says "Nar then", then remains completely silent for the rest of the journey.

If you're involved it a head-on crash, a message comes up saying "I've 'ad worse".

 

Sarnds abart reght lad

 

Strange how things happen

The girls decided they like the picture so it’s gone up as it is and the map stays packed away.


I haven’t polished the coal scuttle either just give it a wipe down with some kitchen cleaner



I’ve just bought this for the garden
It will need a sand and a varnish but for £9 I’m chuffed with it


I’m on a roll recently

 

If it was his "ruddy cheeks" I can guess where the fold is