Numpty of the year thread and tell us a Tommy Cooper joke to cheer Barney up add on combined

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.

 

poor old tommy , i miss im he was my mate, and he made me cry , laughing too

 

cowboy walks into a german car showroom n shouts "audi"

 

I joined TLB

 

I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'

 

I went to the doctor the other day,
I said 'it hurts when I do that'
he said ' well don't do it'

 

My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'.
I had the car out in thirty seconds.

 

one for malc
My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs.
She won, she had the hammer.

 

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?',
I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.
' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?
' I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'

 

I went to the doctors and said "I cant stop singing Tom Jones songs" he said it's not unusual !

 

man sitting at the bar with his greyhound his mate said what you gona do with that he said race it he said by the look of that youll win

 

met another bloke in the pub he had a diggeridoo he was playing dancing queen is said it that aboriginal

 

silent but deadly??

 

told my mum id got a job in a bowling alley , "she said tenpin " no perminant

 

So I said to the taxi driver, 'King Arthur's Close'. He said,
'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights'