There is a new cooking show coming on TV. And it combines people who suffer from domestic violence. Can't cook, right hook will be aired this Autumn.
Japanese couple having an argument: Husband: Sukitaki! Wife replies: Kowanini! Husband says:Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo! Wife, on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji! Husband replies angrily: kina tim kouji! And look at you, sitting there reading this as if you understand Japanese! You daft git!
Unbelievable. Theresa May has spent all day putting together a new cabinet. The countries in a total mess and she's *****ing about with Ikea furniture!
Trouble is that they are all screwed together with Gove bonding which has been found to be unreliable and causes splits.
Jeromy Corbyn says to Diane Abbot, "You know, there are really only three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment". "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down. Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.... (can,t beat tommy cooper )
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.” The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.” “And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man. “No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.
Two Thai girls asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it would be like winning the Lottery. To my horror they were right, we had six matching balls.
