You go into the work toilet to 'sit down'...

"here I sit lonely hearted, came to sh*t but only farted"

 

Here i sit, glad and heartful,
paid a penny,
and sh it a cartful.

 

Its the going in and finding someone hasnt flushed that makes my mind up. You wouldnt no if it was warm or cold unless you touched it first surely errrrrrrrr .

 

http://www.sthk.nhs.uk/library/documents/stoolchart.pdf

This could help with identification ........

 

had the very same thought in the M6 services earlier this week when I saw about 5 blokes queuing for the crapper, when one went to take a previous occupants place and he said, "I wouldn't mate"

If I saw a queue i'd do my best to hold on - I prefer a cold seat

 

something like that, falls under medical stuff for the special needs co-ordinator *gloves on*

 

You are here:Common health questionsOperations, tests and proceduresHow should I collect and store a stool (faeces) sample?
How should I collect and store a stool (faeces) sample?
You should:
collect your stool (faeces) sample in a clean container
store the container in a fridge in a sealed plastic bag if you can’t hand it in straight away
What are stool samples used for?

Your GP or another healthcare professional may ask you for a stool sample to help them diagnose a health condition or rule it out. Stools contain bacteria that are present in the digestive system. By testing the bacteria in your stools, healthcare professionals can work out what’s happening in your digestive system.
For example, a stool sample can be tested to help diagnose:
gastroenteritis (an infection of the stomach and bowel)
Crohn’s disease (a condition that affects your digestive system)
food poisoning
Collecting a stool sample

Your GP or another healthcare professional should explain to you how to collect the stool sample.
The stool sample should be collected in a clean dry screw-top container. Your doctor or the hospital may provide you with a plastic container to use, although you can use any clean container as long as you can seal it.
Make sure that you don’t collect urine or water (from the toilet) with the stool sample, as these will contaminate it. If you need to urinate, do this first, and then collect the stool sample.
To collect a stool sample:
wear disposable rubber or plastic gloves
place something in the toilet to catch the stool, such as a potty or an empty plastic food container, or spread clean newspaper or plastic wrap over the rim of the toilet
make sure you don’t collect urine with the sample
make sure the sample doesn’t touch the inside of the toilet
place the sample in a clean screw-top container and screw the lid shut
label the container with your name, date of birth and the date
put the gloves and anything else you used to collect the sample in the bin and wash your hands thoroughly
If your doctor gives you any other instructions, you should also follow these.
Storing a stool sample until you hand it in

If you can’t hand the stool sample in immediately, you should store it in a fridge. Place the container in a sealed plastic bag first.
Stool samples must be fresh. If they aren’t, the bacteria in them can multiply. This means that the levels of bacteria in the stool sample won’t be the same as the levels of bacteria in your digestive system. If the levels of bacteria don’t match, the test results may not be accurate.
If you can't hand your stool sample in immediately, find out how long it can be kept in the fridge. Your GP or the healthcare professional who requested the test will be able to tell you.
Read the answers to more questions about operations, tests and procedures.
Further information:
How should I collect and store a urine sample?

 

Just in case anyone was wondering about poo monitor duties

 

l like it warm. Makes it feel all comfy and cosy. What l don't like are people leaving their signature marks in the pan.

 

The screw on lid normally has a small spoon fitted this is to collect the sample unbeknown to me when i filled my tube lol. Victor meldrew always springs to mind when the word stool comes out ;D