The North

We can smell quinoa at 20 paces. Rub thisell wit lard n thall be reet.

 

oh blimey. even when there's lots of snow around we rarely see it. i think we're a bit protected in the valley maybe?

 

It's not snow, its lard pellets that have fallen out of one of those open top cargo planes operated by Air Yaarkshah

 

You could sell that entire Victorian cludgy for a fortune to a Putney Interior Designer cos they think it's urban edgy darling. ....

 

You could. Guardianistas would be straight in, up with the ethnic wall-hangings

 

Organic hessian toilet paper - reusable of course


Like wiping your arris with a coconut matt.

 

from the IKEA Ethnics range

 

The Cockneys enclosure is really good. YWP has a successful breeding programme and at midday you can see the keepers feeding them jellied eels.

 

If it comes fromt east Whitby and the like get it. Fromt west Saddleworth moor, south Derbyshire then there's a heck of a lot of ground to North.

 

Nearly wet.

 

I want jellied eels now, with crusty bread of course

 

For god sake ...don't wear a coat up north ...whatever the weather ,they will think you are a lady ...and you will get goosed .
And the further North you go the likelihood of them eating there young is greater .
They only started wearing shoes after 1961 .
But on the up side they no longer have Fangs .

 

It's snowing in Tring now, in October.

We need all you norvuners to bring the ash from your coal fires down and spread it over our roads so we can go about our more important business.

 

I'm saying "yes my dear" to myself in an Arthur Mullard voice!

 

Obviously, if you live in the North East, a miniskirt and bra top are the things to wear in winter

 

You've been to the Bigg Market as well then?

 

And very cheap shiny lime green stilettos with holy tights with the Newcastle United emblems all over them .