Everyone has their struggles, I'm going to postulate that if we all bared our souls and all listened with real interest we might all feel pretty miserable as a result.
Kind of where I'm at. Marmite year internally, nothing to be down about on the surface in fact an amazingly supportive wife and an awesome life but it makes no odds. If you're down you're down. Decided to to a CBT course, it's a start, via the local GP and it's helped. Recognising theres an issue and doing something about it is the first step. I actually asked the therapist how she coped with all the nutters, she laughed nervously...I guess she was new and enthusiastic! I'm now happy I know most of my close mates are also mental and we can chuckle about it.
My way of dealing with my ever growing ignore list was to take everyone off it (it's my problem after all) and disengage with the forum and social media in general. Works for me
I've changed my attitude to using social media, I'm much more private about it these days. I write posts then delete 9/10ths and keep it basic and there's always PMs for personal stuff between friends.
Immensely Para. I was down. Not so much now. Like Zed aludes to above, it's 80 percent attitude...good old Pareto! Working through some basic stuff, that to be fair we already know, with someone who isn't emotionally engaged is huge.
I was certainly not trying to diminish it though, when you're down with no concrete reason you can put your finger on it's particularly difficult to haul yourself back up.
Yep. Spent a good 6 months staring at the workshop walls kiding myself I was busy. I'd cleared the decks work wise and had promised Mel I was on with the Syncro build. We'd got the agreement that I'd close the business in order to get stuff done for us...the reality was that not earning in my own right was incredibly difficult to deal with.
Over the last couple of months following my illness and cancer diagnosis I have been very down at times, And I have wanted to to speak out about it to anyone ,but at the same time thought people are not that interested, However as little bit’s have got out it has been heartwarming to read the comments and private messages I received from people who don’t know me personally but share a common interest in Old Volkswagen delivery vans, I feel the pain for any of the guys or girls who are struggling with stuff in their lives at the moment And there is nothing weak about talking out about it especially amongst us weirdos x
Nothing ever cheered me up as much as drawing a solid line under work and leaving it far behind in the past. I recommend it to anyone who can afford to do so, it amazes me that people carry on when they don't really need to.
Yep, the world has changed in that context, perhaps one of the more difficult/invisible positives of equality that some men still struggle with. There is no reason why a high flying/highly paid career woman can't be the breadwinner. Me and Mrs P have flipped careers several times around having our three boys, I've never had a job I've enjoyed so always treated work as a means to an end, whereas she enjoys the corporate world and career ladder stuff. I've semi retired, take on contract work that I always hate from day one, she's approaching ten years working for an international corporation. But I'm better at washing and ironing than her, which she readily admits she hated doing. No man should feel any 'me Tarzan, you Jane' bullMarmite nowadays.
Exactly this ^^^ Despite all the problems we’re currently going through, legal (in court next month spent £0000’s already) & family related health (mother-in-law has broken both hips in the space of 3 months), and the inability to switch off from any of the above. The fact that we’re not working, have each other and are only 5 mins away from the beach is the only thing that’s keeping us going. Reading stuff on this forum also helps, so thanks for that Thanks @paradox for starting this thread too. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
The thing is a lot of us were raised in the generations that a man was told he was the head of the family and would be the provider. It was seen as a weakness if he wasn’t It’s not easy to undo that social conditioning. When I got medically discharged from the forces and wasn’t bringing a wage in I felt such shame I felt like I was a sorry excuse of a man. I felt like I’d let my family down. Not to mention the grief I got from other people around me and online because I wasn’t working. Mostly other men! At one point men’s mental health advice consisted of Don’t be so soft,pull your socks up,man up etc etc
Its relatively new, but basically its the same idea as a physical first aider - i.e. try and keep them alive until the experts turn up! In reality its about helping people find the help they need and providing that initial point of contact for people who aren't feeling themselves right now.
My own advice has often been "do stuff, do anything but don't do nothing. Say yes to things you don't want to do, you can always change your mind later". It worked for me after maybe 10 years of depression when I was younger. Kinda similar but without the put downs. It's always easier to avoid things and say no when you're depressed but it's a downward unhealthy spiral that can be surprisingly easy to lurch out of.