Kicked in the nads again

Good luck / and happy anniversary All the best Peter and Elaine Please keep us all posted

 

Evening people not the best anniversary news me and deb have had. Deb starts treatment tomorrow at 1 o'clock till 5 have to go to work tomorrow but I'll pick her up then Friday in for 4-5 days. The doctor said its a fifty fifty chance Have told close friends and my sister but not our son and two daughters till after 3 sessions when will know more. Bought a new bed today deb phoned said we needed a bed in a hurry told him why knocked 200 quid off (ex demo)with a mattress delivered with in 2 hours. People like him restore your faith in human nature. Sorry if it's to depressing but that's it anyway up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire good night people. Paul

 

let it all out ,talk to us we are here

 

The only comment I can make, which will sound utterly bizarre, is that cancer batters the people around it more I think than the person with it.

Whilst having it obviously scared the crap out of you, and the treatment is a grade 1 Illegitimate child, most people develop a sense of tranquility, the people around them though have their own emotions and feelings to deal with, and then take care of all the people around them.

Appreciate not everyone will agree.

Thus stop apologising and please get your finger out and fix the beetle as believe me a fat vein of normality is huge in amongst the turmoil.

 

Three years ago my 8 month pregnant daughter was diagnosed with Breast Cancer! She and my grandson are doing fine now thank god! The power of positive thinking cannot be overestimated! It has been proved that the mindset can either help or hinder the body to fight and heal! A positive mind will help her get over chemo and anything else they throw at her! Keep telling us about your doubts and be nothing but positive with your wife and it may help her to remain positive!
We are all here thinking about you and sending positive vibes! As was mentioned before we don't care if you scream breakdown or tell us all to do one! The collective good in this Forum is right with you every step of the way! Don't underestimate your kids strength and ability to cope and help you guys, think carefully before you decide weather to tell them the gravity of the situation! Now is a time to get all the help you and your wife an get! I was amazed at the strength my daughter showed and my other kids they where a source of great support and comfort!
Good luck

 

Thanks for all the replies and support this may take awhile. Just have 2 most *****ed up head exploding days of my life ,drugs are ***** all compared to the last 2 days nurse did warn me all the drugs kicked in. Started chemo Wednesday morning but had to go back Thursday to finish of just as we were leaving nurse told us to come back later they had a room at half ten (PM). Got into car looked at each other and started ripping into each other on the way home (5 mins ) haven't argued like that for years can't even remember how it started got home got back up the hospital about half ten she is now in there till Sunday- Monday. The spare room is now debs hibination bedroom for the next 5-6 months apart from when she stays in hospital for a week for her chemo. Putting some family pictures on the walls tomorrow. Been up to see her twice today and both times came away with a list lol and some dirty washing which is now washed dried and ready to go back up tomorrow. Sorry to drone on went on a cancer help site young bloke in the same position clever idea sort out some cupboards (airing linin) so you know where everything is never knew we had so many duvet cover pillow cases still sorted now. Gave my son a Winston Churchill speech keeping the house clean washing up and laundry and so far its working out. Told him that debs cancer is more serious than last time he had a rough idea anyway and he's alright with it anyway not a lot you can do about it. Has for positive thinking deb is full it and I try my best to back her up it's slowly rubbing of on me just keep looking at the task in front of us feeling useless and can't take away the pain. Tomorrow got to get some fresh air some jobs to do in the garden and then on the bus not a great fan of being in door. Obviously it's a lot less stress when she in hospital she has her own room with a ensuite free sky tv she's comfortable and very well looked after ,fed watered and drugs dished out when needed. Told you it would be along one, still feels better getting of my chest this should carry a government health warning after reading do not go near sharp objects lol anyway off to uncle Ned. Paul.

 

Lycheed=*****ed
Marmite=Marmite

 

Know it sounds childish why can't I swear it's either lycheed or Marmite

 

Feeling for you. It's no fun at all but getting it off your chest helps you stay strong. Loving people means sticking by them through the really hard bits. When it really hurts is when it matters most: sounds to me like you are being a great support and your family are lucky to have you.

 

Morning people good news is deb is responding well to the chemo bad news she's had a major psychotic reaction to the drugs she's home now and it's a real struggle. Hospital been great all the support mental and drugs her brain is going a hundred miles an hour it's absolutely unbelievable endless list laying into me and my daughter in Hong Kong. When deb started chemo it's done over 36 hours nurse's prepped her took about 2-3 hours notices her mood changing when it the chemo started sat there chatting and it kicked off hate you never let me do anything an endless stream off abuse after 2ish hours asked nurse if me being there was stressing her out left went home sat in the garden and had a Bob Marley went up later that day asleep sat with her woke up after about half an it started again left didn't go back never have I had such a feeling of guilt and that's about how the rest of the week's panned out non shopping lists demanding I take her right away cleaning the house Do feel really sorry for her no matter what I say makes no difference it's like trying to get a four year old to bed keeps reminding me about not being there want to lead separate lives after iv looked after her(her words) there are times when I hate her then over come with guilt Ross feels the same. Taking her up the hospital tomorrow to get her checked over this is some crazy Marmite Paul

 

Stay strong. Just listen and try not to take personally
Best wishes


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As you said, it's the drugs talking, not her. Keep your chin up, off load on here and be happy, & strong when you're with her. She might not remember all the things she's said when the drugs stop. As above, try not to take it personally. X

 

It's a really well-known side effect - see this short thread there but there is loads online about this.
http://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/practical_issues/f/199/t/28962
Macmillan the cancer charity is amazing and I bet if you phone them they have all kinds of coping strategies to try an minimise the upset. Phone them - they are really great and it'd be good anyway to get them on board to help when she comes out (if you haven't already, sorry if I'm teaching you to suck eggs).
0808 808 00 00 (Macmillan - "No one has to face cancer alone")
Monday to Friday, 9am-8pm

It's probably that psychological thing called displacement. She actually wants to shout and scream at the cancer, but of course she can't as it doesn't exist. So for now you"re the nearest thing respresenting it and have become the punchbag she wants or needs. Try and remember that not only is it not 'her' talking - but it's not 'you' that her anger is directed at, it's something else entirely.
I really feel for all of you. But you'll pull through ...

 

Afternoon deb is back in hospital after a restless night almost 3 night's wih broken sleep took her temperature over an hour dropped all most 3 degrees phoned hospital straight in. She is now tucked up in bed listening to Spotify in a deep sleep couldn't be in a better place. She has a water infection and low blood count it took me 5 trips up the hospital to get everything she wanted whenever I got back up there she'd remember something else. There is quite a bit off black humour coming up her mental problems have come out in a undying love for lidi and she keeps asking family ,doctor's and nurse's if she looks like father Ted. When the doctor told her she Was staying in hospital she said she couldn't because it's early closing at lidi and I was promptly despatched to go and get her shopping list which she now has at her bedside. Last night was the best wheeled her round to her mate's last night who's husband 10 years ago went through what deb is about to go through got back home started cooking dinner with her iam alright doing this by myself dismissed to front room 5 minutes later standing behind me arm's folded no tomato's you need to go to lidi but babe it's half eight then with out battering an eye done the full weeks opening and closing times unbelievable. I'm under no illusions how I'll she is. She is in a drug induced deb world at the moment probably dreaming about lidi or father ted. I have been waiting for the Marmite to hit the fan for a 2-3years now must admit though didn't expect the mental problems still not a lot you can do about it. Going to be bank tomorrow sorting out bill's is going to be a major head mash for me need to have a word with them.. Anyway sitting down can of cider watching red dwarf on u tube still find it funny. Paul

 

Hopefully she has a good team around her Paul , must be a real strain for you but if you can find a bit of humour to make you smile it can only help , a laugh can put balance back for you . The body and mind can have its ways of helping her in its own ways too . Glad you have felt the strength to come on here and talk , it always help to talk to people who arnt family and emotionally attached . Stay strong and i wish you all. all the best . Barn

 

Thanks for that she does have the best doctors and nurses that hospital is so well organise before she started chemo had a few test on Thursday and Friday got a call Sunday need another blood test results there first thing Monday morning. Lived in Basingstoke since the 70s(London overspill) been up there quite a few times never had a problem mainly work related 40 years on site don't help. Me and my son deal with this situation by trying to be as normal as possible and black humour has reared its head all of it being lidi and father ted related you can't help but laugh not in front of her but walk out the room her mum's does the same but her brother is struggling a bit he went to play golf the weekend and got rat arsed, anyway that big white mattress is calling cheers. Paul

 

You find the darkest humour comes from wandering hospital corridors at 3am knackered on your Todd. Me and my brother will say stuff to each other years after nursing my dad for his last months (where our stories diverge) that shock people that have never been there. Incidentally, I still challenge anyone to beat me on those backward wheel chair things.

My old man was obsessed with Ben Gurrion airport in Tel Aviv (never did find out where this came from, he'd never been there) and walking the corridors naked.....the look of betrayal he gave me once when I had to physically hold him down to stop another escapade will always haunt me, that and how week a once powerful man had become.

It's an exclusive members club, those that are in it 'get' it, whatever 'it' ends up looking like - all I can say is it's bloody hard, but fixate on its like having the meanest gremlin of enemies who happens to have all your personal info at hand to hurt you - it is NOT the person you love and miss.

The good news is that that gremlin bogs off eventually...and there are times when they say stuff that is do batsh1t off the wall funny it'll still make you laugh years later.

 

Morning people. Things have quietened down quite a bit iam sitting down 18 year old cat sitting on my lap and deb still in hospital. She's much better and alot calmer nice to see her doing a crossword. Getting quite alot of visitors . Hair started falling out today got her brother to come up and give her a number 1(her idea) not seen it yet her mood flares up every now and iam .getting the knack off calming her down always take her mum up the hospital as a body guard. Think family and friends know it's going to be a long struggle but you can only take one day at a time hopefully it will all work out. Was down in the dumps yesterday couldn't be bothered to do anything went up the hospital twice in between visits just slumped down on the settee and drunk coffee tried to do some work in the garden couldn't get my head around it. Paul