Conditioned response v etiquette!

I was recently involved in a discussion relating to the issuing of guidance to a group of staff servicing a conference event for a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender group. The staff are predominantly hospitality and the type that usually use the address of Sir or Madam at every opportunity as that is the requirement i.e. how they are trained. The culture results in this being almost a conditioned response. Now imagine then facing Conchitta at the desk or bar. The guidance received although on first reading will make you go WHAT THE F**** it does get the brain working on how you address people when you move away from previously accepted social norms and how you treat people sensitively. When reading you have to remember is that the environment in which the event is held is intended to be totally non-threatening and allow each individual to outwardly express their sexuality (is that the right word - you know what I mean). Make you own mind up and by all means comment or have a bit of fun but nothing offensive or derisory please.

"Xxx requests that all conference, security and venue staff do not ‘gender’ any delegates who are in attendance at the event without their prior notification of a preferred gender pronoun. By ‘gendering’ we mean referring to any person (no matter how they may present themselves or what they may wear) as ‘she’, ‘he’, ‘madam’, ‘sir’, ‘miss’, ‘man’, ‘woman’, ‘girl’, ‘boy’ or any similar words. All delegates should be referred to as ‘they’, ‘this person’, or by their name unless otherwise requested by the delegate personally. For example: A delegate arriving at a bar to order a drink should never be asked ‘what can I get for you, sir?’ unless that delegate has clearly expressed to the staff member in question that they use the gender pronoun ‘he’ or ‘him’. In discussions with other members of staff, particularly when in close proximity to delegates at the event, when referring to any delegate or trying to point out a delegate, always refer to things such as: what colour their hair is, what colour top they are wearing or something entirely unrelated to any visible or perceived disability, race, gender or sexuality. We would also like to remind any venue staff to refrain from preventing any delegate access to any gendered facilities (eg- women’s and men’s toilets or changing rooms) unless specifically asked to intervene by xxx staff due to a concern for the safety of other delegates, as this may have the same effect as mis-gendering. Although this may seem an unusual request, xxx operates a safe space policy at all our events, and as such feels that these steps are necessary in order to avoid making unhelpful, unnecessary or offensive statements about anyone in attendance."

 

I'd just call everybody 'Love'. And then I'd go and do a huge smelly Pooh in the ladies.

 

Can you say 'You guys' ?

 

So do we change your name to "Ageing person with glasses"?
Or possibly "Facky" or "Dinny".

 

I'd be tempted to give everyone the Mick Dundee handshake at the door...

 

When in Notts call everyone 'duck'.

 

The mind boggles

 

I'm happy for you all to call me Miss.

 

Just call everyone Darling.

 

Or "Snugglebuns"

 

Ah well apparently this is just as bad. A colleague of mine was recently reprimanded for this in a performance interview; they'd called a member of the public 'love' whist speaking to them on the phone. The world has gone mad! There is no need for the reference to someones gender in reality. It is a you say just conditioning and dates right back to the regulations of being 'in service'.

 

Bizarrely it doesn't forbid the use of the 'n' word, or the word 'homes'

 

If everyone is so sensitive to possible offense then surely it is down to the participants to state their gender preference? Its all a bit Kafkaesque.

 

"Would it like a drink?" Just doesn't sound right does it.

"That one over there, it's the one with purple hair and a beard. Yes, that's the one, it looks like a fat bloke in a boob tube"

 

I find this situation simple to deal with, don't talk to anyone.

 

Fail - you used the work Bloke!

 

I think actually "politeness" is the word you're looking for.

 

Would "man-style-person" be ok?

 

Why should anyone feel threatened

Sadly that's just what it could descend to....don't speak as it could be construed threatening if a mistake in gender identity is made.