I hear they've smashed up Jimmy Saville's grave now... ..all thats left is a small hole and no bush... ...just how he liked it
Prince Charles :charles: decided he wasnt quite fit enough so he thought a good run every morning would sort it out . so on his first morning he set of from highgrove and through the village where two prostitutes were standing on a street corner , one of them shouted at :charles: £50.00 , he was abit taken aback by this ,so just kept on running and saying nothing , The next morning :charles: set of for his run and there were the two prostitutes again as he gets closer he figures out a reply in case they shout again, sure enough one shouts £50.00 to which he replys 50p and laughs as he runs on . , anyway this goes on for two weeks ,when Camilla :moon: decides to join :charles: on his run . :charles: is very nervous in case the two prostitues are there , then he sees them when they approach the two prostitutes one shouts there you go thats what you get for 50p
am a celebrity GET ME OUT of here has been cancelled they where quoted as saying they couldnt get a comedian from the 70 s that was nt in custody lol owen nw
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido. 'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor. 'Not a chance', she said... 'He won't even take an aspirin.' 'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra'... 'What is Irish Viagra?', she asked. It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went..' It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!' 'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor. 'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arms, he sent me cups and saucers flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!' 'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good?' 'Freakin' jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again ;D
Santa clause won't be visiting stoke mandeville this year. The thought of another white haired man emptying his sack in the early hours is too much to handle.
My son has been offered a trial at man utd. He's delighted. It's truly the biggest day in any young referee's career.
After running out of space in my toolbox, I've had to get rid of my three-foot adjustable spanner. It was quite a wrench.
An 86 y.o. man goes to see the doctor with his wife for a check up. Doctor says "Right sir, I'll need a stool sample, a urine sample and a semen sample". The 86 y.o. says "Sorry sonny, I'm a trifle deaf, you'll have to speak up". The wife says to him "The doctor says he'll need a pair of your pants". ;D
Wife says to her husband "c'mon sexy, bed I've got something to show you" Hubby says "Aw love I'm watching the footy" Wife says "You do know you can video it!" Hubby says "Ok, you set up the camera and I'll be up when this has finished".
whats the difference between jimmy saville and a grey hound at least the grey hound waits for the hare owen nw
When will these Jimmy Saville allegations ever end? Police are now saying that Jeremy Beadle may have a small hand in it........
Me and the missus were out enjoying an indian meal the other night, when the waiter came and said "curryokay?" eventually i said, 'Oh alright if you must.. just one song then clear off!!'
I've started my Christmas shopping now. I've bought my wife a wooden leg. It's not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? He won't be the driver... I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.
Going for an Indian tonight. Will probably have Tarka Massala which is like Tikka Massala but a little otter
