Had to take my dog to the vets the other day. 'Whats wrong with him?' I asked. The vet picked him up and examined him for a while. Then he sighed, 'I'm going to have to put him down' 'Why? I said shocked, 'what's the problem?' The vet replied 'He's really heavy'.
Charlie borrowed his friends Volkswagen, while his car was in the garage. When he got into it, he found out it would not start. So he got out and raised the hood and looked down in amazement. This other guy came by driving in his Volkswagen and saw that this guys was in trouble, so he stopped and went over. "What’s the trouble?" he asked. After taking a look, he said; "No wonder it won't start someone stole the engine." "But don’t worry" he said, “I have an extra in my trunk you can borrow".
A man in Ireland is driving his Latebay to the ferry port to go home in England. Suddenly, his bus breaks down. A bloke in a Ferrari pulls up and says he has a towrope in his boot, but he warns that he is a fast driver. So if he goes too fast, just flash your lights and beep your horn. They set off and suddenly the Ferrari driver spots a Porsche. He thinks “this is no good, I must overtake that Porsche.” So he speeds up, the driver of the Porsche speeds up, until they are speeding like a man-on-fire! The driver of the Latebay starts flashing its lights and beeping its horn. Meanwhile, Paddy, Mick and Ferges are standing on their driveway. Suddenly, ZOOM! Goes the Porsche. ZOOM! Goes the Ferrari. ZOOM! Goes the Latebay. Paddy says 'did you see that Porsche, it was going' at least a 100 miles an hour!' Mick replies 'yep, that was okay, but did you see that Ferrari, that was 110 miles an hour' Ferges thinks, then says 'they were both quite speedy, but did you see, did you see that Latebay, it was indicating and beeping it's horn to overtake the both of them!' :laugh2:
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
Just took the mrs to the doctors, to sort out her Tourette's .... Turns out she doesn't have it ..... Iam a @hailfrank ban me please! and she does want me to *****off.....
rolf harris was asked if it was him that done 2 little boys no says he that was jimmy saville owen nw
When the pope visited Ireland, he was asked what he thought of County Down. He replied, it's not been the same since Carol Vorderman left.
I wish everyone would stop criticizing Jimmy Saville! When I was 9 he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded!
my boy asked if he could dress like a monster this halloween , so i bought him a shinney track suit a blonde wig a cigar hows about that then lol owen nw
I only know one joke. 2 prostitutes standing on a street corner, touting their wares A police car drives past, slows to a stop and eyes them up and down before driving off again. "Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?" asks one prostitute to the other "No" comes the reply, "but I've been swung round by the t*ts a few times"
My local sports shop is doing a special on Jimmy Saville track suits, they have adult tops but you have squeeze into kids bottoms!
Viagra have just released a new pill called 007 it doesn't make you James Bond, but it does make you Roger Moore
Viagra is now being sold by opticians, does nothing for your sex life but it does make you look hard.
Have you tried Starbucks new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night. Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls. Q: What are the two main ingredients in Viagra? A: Miracle Gro & Fix-a-flat! What happens when you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time? Just ask Don King. Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra It may cause them to spin around and point north. Why has Viagra been a big boon to comedians? Because it helps them stand up Whats the generic form of Viagra? Mycoxaflopin. A man goes into the chemist and asks for some viagra. ’Have you got a prescription,’ the chemist asks him. ’ No, but will a picture of my wife do?’ the man says. Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut? Because he overdosed on viagra. Why shouldn't single men use Viagra? "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to." What happens when you get the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. Why are guys using the Viagra-brand Chapstik? Because its the best way to keep a "stiff upper lip!" How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb. Why shouldn't you mix prune juice and viagra. You won't know if your coming or going. Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man took twelve pills and his wife died. Why is Viagra now being compared to Disneyland? They're both one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride. Did you hear what happened to the guy who choked on Viagra? He got a stiff neck! What happens to criminals who sell fake Viagra? They face stiff penalties! Why do nursing homes give their male patients Viagra? To keep them from rolling out of bed. What is the difference between your first honeymoon and your second? The first: Niagara; the second: Viagra. How did the American's finally find Osama Bin Laden? The Americans heard he was hiding in a field. So they sprayed it with VIAGRA and the prick stood up! Q: Have you heard the one about the lesbian that took Viagra? A: She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a month. If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart? How can you find guys who steal hundreds of bottles of Viagra? Because they tend to be hardened criminals!
police raided GARY GLITTERS house and found class b drugs in his lounge then then done FREDDIE starss house and found class a druggs in his kitchen they then done JIMMY SAVILES they found class 8 in his bed room owen nw
jimmy saville ,gary glitter an freddie star with all the head excitives from the bbc had a slapp up meal in savilles house after the meal , he passed round the under 8 s owen nw bit close to the mark i no
