Baron @Bernard Fishtrousers, who had been watching the peculiar hallway happenings unfold from the safety of the Scullery staircase, leaped towards the steaming savoury, with all the athleticism one might expect from a retired asymetric bars instructor (circa1939) and deftly swiped the Tart from the path of the oncoming Frog. He sprang, gazelle-like, into the Ballroom, whereupon the guests, somewhat bemused by the noises emanating from the hallway, gave an uproarious cheer... "Hooray for the Tart" they cried in unison
Queen @Birdy on the cheek, for favours granted in the drawing room earlier that evening. He was partial to a bit of posh pie (so to speak) Upon hearing the commotion above @Lord Congi , Colonel @Keith.H, and @Mabel the Mad monk vaulted up the stairs and into the Ballroom, where @jammy the vertically challenged fakir was performing a pre-prandial ritual involving squat thrusts, along with some of the more adventurous guests.... "What the Blazes?" scoffed the Colonel, upon seeing the strange performance, the ends of his waxed moustache twitching in a mammalian fashion
"Frog!" screamed His Holiness @lost-en-france , pointing towards the entrance to the ballroom, crossing himself with the other hand as he did so. On seeing the bulbous behemoth, Viscount @theBusmonkey stepped back, knocking over a huge ornate candelabra. Master @zed thrust out a hand to prevent the fall, but missed. He pitched forward, and losing his balance, was sent spinning upon his carved wooden like a wrinkled Dervish. Such was centrifugal force that his monacle flew high into the air, landing with a "plink" into the champagne flute, clutched tightly by Lady @Wilma72, who promptly swallowed it with a rather un-lady-like "Gulp"....
Mmmmmm posh pie and sprouts.... after eating a huge plteful of pie and sprouts the depressed old man smiled passed wind and vanished towards the ceiling
but alas no one heard, as all were stunned by the bellowing cry "Step Back!" It was @Paul Weeding, the hearty woodsman....He bounded through the door, sporting his best attire (the breeches of which were a little to tight around the crotch for my liking) "I'll handle this". And with a deft fling of his waistcoat, he produced an axe, the size and shape of which made several of the ladies present swoon
Grasping his oily chopper in both masculine hands, he advanced upon the frog, who by this time had single-handedly destroyed what was frankly a shabby collection of old tat masquerading as antiques and drapery. Baron Fishtrousers, still holding the mighty Tart, stepped sideways to make way for the woodsman, but was unaware that Lord @snotty was hovering at his shoulder. The Baron stumbled, tipping the tart in Lord S's direction. The dusting powder, which Hailfrank had liberally applied that very afternoon (in accordance with a recipe featured in "Nigella's Biggest Hits") cascaded into the air, creating an enormous white plume. Lord S put his rather effeminate hands to his face,attempting to cover his nose, but alas it was too late...
"CHOOOOOO!" Sneezed Lord Snotty, as his head smashed into the lower front panel of the prototype bay Tart (which we all know is a weak spot on this particular model)
The gelatinous phlegm, and nasal decongestant, suffused with Nigella's secret dusting powder and hot Morris 30/Brandy catalyst set forth a chain reaction, whereupon the stylized Tart began to swell...the guests stood rooted to the spot, unable to avert their eyes from the ever increasing pastry. Even the Frog looked on in froggish bemusement.
Just then, a low rumbling sound could be heard advancing up the gravel driveway...the sound grew louder and louder, and then suddenly stopped, shortly followed by strange ratcheting noise....Why it couldn't be? Surely not? But indeed. Why, it was @paradox in a gleaming bus, the greenest of green, with every refinement one could possibly imagine.
and who should be with him, but the miniscule marionette Princess @Tiny-Pie , clutching an inhaler in one hand, and a rolled up copy of Hay Burner magazine in the other (in which Para's van happened to be featured)
"Not really...it's knackered" said Birdy..."It's yours for a tenner" he continued. " Do you take cards?" asked Paradox (looks at the audience) (B-dum Tish) Poppy meanwhile, had been gathering the cloaks and other garments that were previously strewn about the hallway, and was about to hang them back on what remained of the coat stand when Paradox and Princess P walked into the hallway. "I found these outside the door" said Paradox, handing a pouchful of golden karma nuggets to Poppy. "I assume they must be yours." "Why yes" said Poppy..."in my haste, I must have dropped them"
Poppy took the nuggets from Para's grasp, and seeing as he had no pockets to speak of, stashed them down the front of his trousers (purely for comedic value)
