and they all three made their way into the Ballroom....wondering why the so-called party was so quiet.....
Went the Tart....as an oleaginous maelstrom of mincemeat, shortcrust pastry and hot Morris 30 brandy went hurtling through the air, covering the guests from head to toe in glutenous mess
The jolt was sufficient to cause Lady @72wilma to regurgitate the monacle she had accidently swallowed prior to the explosion, which thence shot forth from her gullet like a bullet form a gun, and ricocheted off the glinting blade of the stout woodsman's axe. A veritable monacular-pinball ensued, taking small round divots from the cheap oak- veneered chipboard paneling that @kenregency had installed , at cost, several months previously (on Zed's insistence, I hasten to add)
The monacle pinged from pillar to post, spinning and whistling as it went, until it lodged deep into the jaundiced eye of the humongous frog. There followed the most almighty bang and a miraculous transformation took place....for the frog was no frog at all....it was the wistful waif known to all and sundry as @WoodyLubber . "Someone give me a vodka" pleaded Woody "I've been stuck in that f"ckin' frog since last Thursday. Some tw*t calling himself @dog put something in me drink and I've been hopping around like a b*stard ever since"...."and what's all this sh*t on the floor?" he asked with much chagrin
With complete and utter disaster narrowly averted the mince covered party-goers began to extricate themselves from the sticky morass, that was once The prototype bay Tart. With a look of abject resignation (which wasn't uncommon for such a sullen fellow as he), @hailfrank picked up his old familiar broom and began to sweep the once delectable detritus into pitiable pastry piles. Master @zed , forlorn, his plan (and his flan) in ruins, wept like a child, consoling himself in the knowledge that he had recently renewed his insurance policy and could now probably afford to retire to his floating recluse near Rugby. One by one, the guests bid their fond farewells and wended their weary ways back to whence they had wandered (nice alliteration) leaving just Poppy, @paradox and Princess @Tiny-Pie alone in the vestibule...
Poppy took the nuggets from Para's grasp, and seeing as he had no pockets to speak of, stashed them down the front of his trousers (purely for comedic value) Catastrophic disaster. The heavy gold nuggets gnawed relentless at Poppy's gunaculars for the rest of the evening, The rhythmic pounding they took as Poppy danced to " Itsy bitsy teeny weenie yellow poker dot bikini" caused havoc with Poppy's schlong, The end of it was,,,,,,,
"Do you like it in the porch Tiny?" asked Para. "I Like it anywhere!" replied Tiny, "I've never been taken in the porch before, It's a bit tight with three of us though. best bog off Poppy old son and leave Para to show me his wild foraging in peace!" .....
And so the tlb panto draws to an end Our hero Poppy got rich but has no friends, The karma collector @rickyrooo1 has had a sex change and ran off with the ruggedly handsome Welsh scrum half, @zed the van fixer has returned to his lonely den and Princess @Tiny-Pie is being taught wild foraging by fell walker and countryman @paradox until the day comes when she freely tastes wild things with confidence, @hailfrank is still picking up pieces of the tart, @Paley and zoe invested in karma dust only to hit it big and have extended @WoodyLubber s house to include a granny flat. @WoodyLubber is still down south but missing th local working men's club so may return at some point. Lady @JennyB and Lord @bernjb56 have bought a transit van pickup franchise and have expanded the scrap metal business. The rest of the cast have returned to poverty except for @Bernard Fishtrousers who has left tlb to take on a long court case against Macdonalds. The questions that remain are..... What was in the bin bags... Will the evil troll wizzard return.. Does he know where I live.... Who tf is Bryan Harvey... Do you spell roooogeley with one e or two... How much did Etty spend on Poppys cards... What is a solisiter.... Why did no one climb the beanstalk..... Did the beige t25 driver ever claim..... Will @Rustydiver get in trouble with the kids in class for his Santa having a dump down the chimney pic... Why is the dreaded and ( totally incorrect) Morris 30 oil wrong @Baysearcher .... Did @paradox ever blag the steering wheel off Queen @Birdy ...... Will @Lord Charles get his ale to me before Christmas.... Has @Lord Congi got up yet.........................................................................................................................?
Loved this thread btw-- well done @Dicky for starting it and @vanorak @mr barrett @Pony @Omias @rickyrooo1 @jivedubbin @snotty and others for some fantastically clever and funny posts PMSL
Encore! Encore! Tops peeps. Copyright of TLB. Any similarity of any persons living,dead or otherwise is purely intentional, and quite likely downright libelous.
