A mate sent me this earlier - made me chuckle Apologies if you've seen it already......... After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet", which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the "gripe sheets" before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the engineers. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Noise from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. DCLnews Editorial 9.9.2003
iff doesent operate in off mode lmao These have been doing the round for years i remember them stuck on the line controllers desk in 98 Unable to reproduce fault on the ground was a common phrase used However it doesent mean the way it reads as you can set up test equipment to replicate wind speed and pressure variances to trick the aircraft into thinking its airborne It means lots of test procedures have been undertaken but the fault doesent show
That reminds me of a timeon Nimrods when the plane was crewed ready for take off and they had a comms problem. The comms tech (fairy) came out and was lying on the floor crammed into the space under the Nav desk struggling with the problem when an ungrateful and very rude captain wandered down the aircraft and kicked the comms guy in the arse. He said "Is there any chance of you doing something constructive?" My hero, the comms guy, unwound himself from under the desk and said, "If you get me some flour, I'll bake you a cake. He got charged for insubordination, but the flight was cancelled because no-one else could fix the problem.
