I wish parents would do as they are told

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by 3901mick, May 21, 2020.

  1. My Mum is 84. Diabetic. A bit doddery but generally ok. She used to get a taxi to Morrisons for her weekly shop before this mess. We get her shopping now and drop it round. Anyway Monday morning I was on my way to East Cowes to pick up a car. She called me around 8:30 to say she fell down at 3am but had just reached the phone. My wife called an ambulance. They rang her and because she hates doctors and hospitals said it wasn't needed and managed to get up. Unfortunately at 3am she needed the toilet !!! Clean everything Inc the carpet. Anyway. Things got worse mess wise but that's ok now. She is so weak now though. A doctor came and said he would like her to go to hospital just for tests and fluids etc. She said no. Today she rang home while I was out working. My Mrs went round and tried to help her up but couldn't and hurt her back. I went in on way home and helped her into the bathroom. I had a bit of a go to be honest. I said they asked you to go in and get better. You refused now Katie has a bad back and you are now stuck on a chair in the bathroom as your getting weaker. She has eaten half a slice of bread since Sunday. I also said if you went in then you might be on the mend. Instead you are getting weaker and if you fall might break something and be in there weeks. She replied cor you've come round here happy !! I am trying to almost scare her into help. I don't know what else to do :-(
  2. It’s that generation, mate. My mum (who lasted to 92) was the same. Stubborn as mules.

    I have no answer, apart from persistance...
  3. You`ve gotta try mate , you`ve gotta try ... :(

    Hopefully you`ll persuade her to get help and care but hospital seems the only option to be perfectly honest as it sounds like as independant as your mum would like to be things may have changed somewhat and she needs more care ..

    If she`s not eating maybe hearing it from a nurse might change her mind ??

  4. On a similar note.... week before last my Mum had a fall in the bathroom & ended up with cracks in her skull & air on the brain! Instead of ringing an ambulance she rang my sister who went, sorted her out & took her to hospital but wasn’t allowed in herself. After testing my mum the hospital discharged her only for her to have a seizure/fit of some kind (this was on the Sunday & it’s a good job our Cath was still there). Cath immediately rang an ambulance & she was once again admitted into hospital.... After a week of tests she’s had a pacemaker fitted but as Cath was ringing the ambulance Mum said “I don’t want to go to hospital... If I’m going to die I would rather not die of coronavirus!!” ..... Old people eh?
    P.s. Mick, tell her to treat it as a kind of holiday.... at least she’ll get fed fortified healthy food which should stand her in good stead!
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  5. bernjb56

    bernjb56 Administrator

    Similar problems with my ageds over time. I have managed to get through to my Mum on occasion by approaching things by saying “If you want to carry on living independently in this house, then you need to do ....”
    That has worked a couple of times - ie getting a down stairs shower fitted.
    I don’t envy you though Mick.
    F_Pantos and 3901mick like this.
  6. Ambulance crews are pretty good at giving the right advice to them.
    Good luck.
  7. Sound advice from @bernjb56, this is the only approach that seems to work with my Mum, she doesn't want to lose the memories held in the house.

    When she broke a hip recently, she wanted to call it a day on her independence, a quick reminder of the impending pandemic got her a) out of hospital in a flash and b) casting ideas of a 'going into a home' aside.

    May the diety of your choosing please forgive me :rolleyes: for what I said.
    Last edited: May 21, 2020
    bernjb56 likes this.
  8. For what its worth, here’s my take on it. Either tell your mum that she’s going to have to live with you until she gets her strength back, or you could speak to social services. They can arrange for a couple of ‘check calls’ a day, maybe only 15mins a call but they may be able to motivate her, being strangers, where as she looks at you as just nagging her.
  9. My mrs spoke to them at close of play today. They said she has to agree to it. He phoned and she did. Onward and upward hopefully
    Merlin Cat, Davipon, Lasty and 7 others like this.
  10. My Mum is 81 and when asked if we could pick her shopping up said it's the only highlight of her week driving down and getting her shopping. She also goes to the chemist for her tablets and got told off for crashing the queue (not her fault apparently :))
    Then again it's only 2 years ago that she stopped going to most Barnsley fc away games.
    Moons, Merlin Cat, Davipon and 5 others like this.
  11. Sounds like a proper Barnsley lass, she does :)
    crossy2112 likes this.
  12. At least she didn't have to contend with big crowds!!! :rolleyes:
    davidoft, Suss, crossy2112 and 2 others like this.
  13. Cheeky :)
    CollyP likes this.
  14. At 79 when she was in hospital she complained about being put in with the old folk, she was the oldest there :)
    Lasty and snotty like this.
  15. My mums 91 on her own in house two storey , cooks cleans gardens ish , washes and what’s app videos me or I her every night . She’s been shot at by a German plane pushing her sister in a pram , gone home to an I exploded bomb on her doorstep . Had double pneumonia, peritonitis ,appendicitis’s and sepsis .All in one go when she was eleven ,survived , Mrsa hip replacement , hiatus hernia op BUT she never ever makes a fuss or complains . Us younguns don’t know what’s hit us ,she says . True ,tough as old boots just like her mum ,my nan who starved herself at 97 because she wanted out,and didn’t want a fuss . We are all woooses compared . :thumbsup:
    Merlin Cat, Davipon, philntfc and 4 others like this.
  16. Try telling the yoof, they wouldn't believe you :)
  17. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    Hope she recovers soon @3901mick . Is she worried about going in to hospital because of Coronavirus? Tho when dad had a fall recently I spoke on the phone to paramedics and said we could come down as preferable he didn’t go into hospital and they said they don’t take people in at the mo unless necessary,

    it sounds like she needs extra care one way or another or will just go downhill. I think the telling her she needs to get sorted to keep her independent living may be an idea, unless she actually wants more care herself?

    are there any council people that can help? My dad has a falls pendant and wristband that goes through to elder care. Apparently a warden was out overnight but as they’ve only left a note and dad has forgotten why we don’t why they came. If it is a bit more serious they ring one of us immediately after they’ve rang paramedics.

    the pendant can also be pressed if they feel poorly or need help. Tho my dad once called them as didn’t know how to put the computer on!! :)
  18. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    Another thought @3901mick has she got a urine infection? My dad goes wobbly, more prone to falls and more forgetful when he has one. She may be forgetting to eat?

    ps hope your Mrs feels better too
    3901mick likes this.
  19. She has one of those phones that come with the pendant. Unfortunately she only seems to wear it after any initial problem. She has been generally getting about albeit slow. She got out of bed and dropped to the floor. As she hadn't been unwell she wasn't wearing it. It's quite good the phone cost about £50 but there are no monthly costs. It rings a few numbers and says it is an emergency call bla bla. She still isn't eating. She is drinking some milkshakes with loads of nutrition and vitamins etc at the moment. Better than nothing. Blood test came back normal ish. No infections. Still waiting for social people to call us !
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  20. Moons

    Moons Moderator

    We call the mighty atom....she scared off 3 different types of cancer, has had both knees replaced, then had to have a second one put in and has had an infection in that one for well over 10 years....tough as old boots.

    Ring her during the wrestling, Gardeners World or Dowton Abbey, stand by for an ear full.

    Don’t they say you come in to this life, and leave this life as an infant?
    Merlin Cat and 3901mick like this.

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