I feel sorry for him

Am out doing a bit of weeding, tending me veggies, tidying the borders etc. Nearby I can hear a Wood Pigeon saying “I just caaaaan’t find it. I just caaaaan’t find it. I just caaaaan’t find it....” Every few minutes it’s the same complaint. Heart goes out to the poor fella. Wonder what it is he just can’t find?

 

What else are you growing in your...veggie...patch ?

 

Well, the new age couple next door, Jocasta and Xavier did give me some strange looking cuttings.....

 

Is she out doing her naked yoga again? One day you're going to fall off that stepladder...

 

I haven’t been round since they invited me to their “Rebirthing Ceremony”. Some things can’t be unseen, and have to say, Jocasta’s placenta rissoles are an acquired taste

 

“As I’ve got the hedge shears, I’ll give that a trim if you like”...

 

We have a wood pigeon that says over and over
My toe hurts Betty
My toe hurts Betty
My Toe hurts Betty

 

One outside my window at the mo saying that exact thing!

 

Makes Holly laugh every time she hears a wood pigeon

 

Did you ever get your car keys back Mr Tatts?

 

He hasn’t been round since that unfortunate incident in the hot tub after a dodgy kebab

 

I’ve been in that hot tub countless times without a problem, no one says a dickie bird.....one minor shart and you never hear the end of it

 

He can’t find his little bit of bread and no cheese. The *****ing yellowhammer stole it.

 

I thought yellowhammers went "quiche...quiche..."

 

No, that's scourers when they are in a hurry nicking your wheels.

 

.177

 

Ah, so that’s what the little fella can’t find, his gun? Well if I see it anywhere I’ll be sure to return it to him.

 

Start with the ammo...




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Be very wary, that might be that keeenwaaa