DVD player not reading disc why?

What’s a DVD?

 

Digital Versatile Duck.

 

If you have a DVD player that doesn't work here's what you do, outside your house is a grey or black container with a lid put it in there and then buy a new DVD player

 

Pot, kettle, black !

 

Have you tried rubbing the mother in law down with a rough towel?

Sometimes works.

 

Another one for the Eye unit

well I had this Broken DVD player..
I opened it up and I saw this brilliant bright red light and I can’t see anything out of my left Eye now

 

Is that where you got that black eye

 

If you've seen one DVD of Baz in a mankini, you've seen them all

 

Insert a disk of the 1984 film Splash and then put the player in your dishwasher. That should clean the lens

 

Fortunately, the focal distance of the lens focusing the laser in the DVD player is about 1mm . So the beam is so divergent that you can look at it without danger.
But basically, the best way to fix an expensive DVD player is to find the cheaper model from the same range and swap the mechanisms over.

We always chuckled when we saw that one extreme HiFi company made a £3500 CD player using a Philips CDM7 mechanism, added a lump of granite to it as a 'noise reducer'. It actually played discs worse than the £50 CD players using exactly the same mechanism as the granite lump made the servos work a lot harder.

 

Sounds a bit like me.

 

I still remember back in 1994 downstairs in Comdex Las Vegas, the stand selling CDROMS had a roaring trade in a disc of certain videos. The organisers made them stick a post-it note on the screen and loop the section. The boobies were OK, it was a bit lower down.

I was good and bought the CDROM which was the unimaginable 400 megabytes of the Internet Source Code repository at SIMTEL-20 , which would have cost me about £1300 to download dial-up... (still have that disc somewhere)