Dropping out and living the dream

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by tommygoldy, Jun 20, 2015.

  1. Tommy a few words if i may from my experiance

    Rural living is not as easy as some picture it to be
    You certainly have to put time and effort into it
    The cost of living rural when you add all the little things up is actually quite expensive compared to a small town
    Even in a village community it can get lonely easily
    Your children may not follow your dream as keenly as you do
    The same goes for you wife/husband/partner

    But there is a magic im not good enough to put into words when you do
    I see somthing everday in nature that is amazing to see and i take that as a reward for getting through the hard times

    Im peed off at the moment as its 9 deg outside and ive burnt £10 worth of coal today
    Its june ffs but we havent had a tumble drier for years and clothes especialy school uniform need to be dry

    I love the fact ive a woodburner in the front room
    I hate however i have to pay for logs as there is no where to go logging for free
    Everyone round here has and open fire a range and woodburner or one or a combination of them
    No gas here so were on kerosene for the hot water thats not cheap to buy in either

    Sorry ive just realised im ranting and not following through from start to finish

    I suppose im trying to say it takes effort but the rewards are worth it
    Just this morning as i was dragging my tired head out of bed at 5 to get things organised for the kids morning the driving mrs para t work then driving back again to square the youngest away and walk her to school
    I opend the curtains and as my eyes focused there was an owl sat on top of the paravan
    I looked at it it looked at me and we just had a long moment that felt like it was for a reason

    That kept me buzzing most of the day
  2. Moons

    Moons Supporter

    So just in summary then, most people that have given it a go have packed it in over time or have needed some form of leg up to sustain it, and it's harder than it looks.

    Maybe if it's a journey of self enlightenment or discovery one could consider something that involves sacrife for others and not direct personal gain?
  3. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

    I am pretty sure a lot of people have chosen and live very successful alternative lifestyles I know a few. The thing is, we are but a small gathering on a small forum. Maybe we need to ask this question on a narrowboat forum or similar? I am sure their success rate would be quite respectable.
    tommygoldy likes this.
  4. Don't know if anyone saw the program last night ,they had done incredibly well and built lots of constructions ,it does seem people can out perform any expectations normal life bounds you to...

    I would have never built my own house in England..

    It is like people have been set free...:hattip:
    MrsVolkswombat, tommygoldy and zed like this.
  5. Tuesday wildchild

    Tuesday wildchild I'm a circle!

    They have building inspectors in England that visit and bloody neighbours that grass.
  6. You could be describing parenthood there... I'm on that journey already. :D

    I've read the majority of posts on here as overwhelmingly positive and encouraging. Thanks everyone for that! I'm not sensing any regret from those who have tried it. My glass is very much half-full on this one. I realise there are potential downsides and I welcome e.g. @paradox's reality check, but it wouldn't be an adventure without any risks.

    In terms of the "leg up" that @Moons mentions the fact is that our modest home is currently worth the best part half a million pounds. That's nearly three quarters of a million euros. As long as we stay put, that figure's meaningless, but if we cashed in we could in theory lose our mortgage, buy a decent family home abroad and a rental property in the UK, and live mortgage free with £1000 per month rental income.

    The downside would be that once the house was sold we'd (probably) find it hard to get back into the London property market... it would effectively be a one-way ticket. That said, there's no guarantee of anything in the economy, the french property market might pick up, the euro might rise against the pound, the UK boom might slow down (or the bubble burst). It's all a gamble. The only certainty is that if we stay put, our life will continue on the same trajectory. But as a first move maybe we'd rent out our London house (we've checked and our mortgage lenders will allow this for up to two years) and rent somewhere abroad.

    I'm confused about the implication that this idea is purely selfishly motivated. We're currently living in a small, crumbling, terraced house in Tottenham. We count ourselves as very lucky to have this home, but it's hardly paradise... the city is polluted and dirty, and crime and poverty are everywhere. Local services are stretched to breaking point and getting worse. Mum and dad are both working very hard (including evenings and weekends) - the present routine allows one family day per week if we're lucky. For our kids, more space and some freedom to roam in a safe clean environment, happy parents with more free time, and a bilingual upbringing all sound like positives. Looking further ahead they would also have a better chance of a university education (without incurring huge debts) in France.

    From where I stand a move and shift in gear lifestyle-wise could be a hugely positive thing for all the family.
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2015
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  7. I've no idea what exactly your wife and you do as regards work, but this is exactly why so many people move out of London and commute in for their jobs (or find something locally), cheaper house prices, better environment. I'm not sure you need to go to France for either, but best of luck if you do go. BTW moving to France does not always work out as good as it could, my sister in law and husband moved there three years ago and now want to move again, the trouble is they can't sell the house and even if they do it will be at a significantly lower price, it was cheap though, its even cheaper now !!
  8. I really hope I meet you one day @dubsurftones for a chat a beer :thumbsup:
    dubsurftones and mangokid like this.
  9. Honky

    Honky Administrator

    tommygoldy likes this.
  10. A long commute is definitely not part of the dream. My current 4 mile bike ride to work is one of the best things about my current life.

    We've been considering a move to the south coast (of England). It's appealing on a lot of levels but financially it's sort of swings and roundabouts - property's not that much cheaper, we'd earn less (and find it harder to get jobs). Since having kids we're both working part time, my partner is self employed, and our income is now such that if we moved we probably wouldn't qualify for a new mortgage. Once the mortgage has gone, our remaining cash would buy us a similar sort of house to the one we have now, but all else being equal less of a return on our investment. We've looked at the figures, and at the end of the day they don't add up to a huge shift in lifestyle.

    To get a cheap enough home in the UK to escape the rat race would mean heading north (or Scotland/Wales). It's not out of the question for me but moving somewhere where the weather is worse than it is in London is a deal breaker for my partner.

    I originally suggested Spain because a friend of mine bought a house there for less than £5000, and the weather's good. He reckons it's even cheaper now... We could buy a house in Spain from the proceeds of the sale of my bus! But neither of us speak the language and for whatever reason it's not appealing to my partner. France is effectively a compromise, but potentially quite an exciting one. £100K ought to buy a lovely house somewhere sunny, and we'd have enough left over to keep a foothold in UK property and provide some income as a safety net. The challenge is the practical side of actually making it happen.
    zed, MrsVolkswombat and Pickles like this.
  11. It was just a thought really, although we live in the South Downs NP prices are considerably cheaper than London. I say fortunately, because growing old isn't necessarily all good, we're probably a bit older, settled and financially backed. Strangely enough my wife works part-time and I'm self employed, I agree with you and I would never go back to the London commute not through choice anyway.

    I think if you're going to move anywhere you need your partner onboard otherwise it may end in tears and that's not the dream especially when kids are involved. Sounds like you have thought about all the options, where big decisions are involved, it might help to sit down with your partner and prepare a strengths weaknesses etc analysis I think putting it in writing sometimes helps. As for going somewhere you don't speak the language my wife's mother and partner moved to France they didn't speak the language and from what I know he made no efforts, six month later they were back in the UK they then moved from Surrey to Norfolk (lot cheaper there), that said I don't know what the driver was for them to go to France in the first place? They also rent their Surrey bungalow but there rent in Norfolk is half that, so the renting option can work. As for my wife's sister if they sell I'm not sure that they will stay in France, my fear is that neither of them is that industrious and they will have lost a fair bit of money and just end up back in the UK.

    As I said before best of luck.
    tommygoldy likes this.
  12. Moons

    Moons Supporter

    Ah the crushing realisation that people here again only want to hear the positives and somehow you are in the wrong if that's not what you bring to the table.

    Best of luck to you, I hope it's mega for you I really do, all of it, all aspects.

    And if, God forbid it doesn't work out, remember those that sold you that one way ticket as I'm sure they'll be queuing up to assist your landing.

    Say hello to Dorothy and a Toto for me.
    chad likes this.
  13. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

    There has to be dreams and aspirations mate. Realisation comes when people actually get off their behinds and realise that dream. To me that is what makes life worth living, the thought of realising a dream. We all have them you know,getting your golf handicap down to single figures, playing rugby for Wales, living a self subsistence in a wood, a boat, a campervan it is what makes us get up each morning and go to the soul destroying job.

    You're correct of course, dreams aren't always as they seem and people do only want to hear the positives when dreaming. It's a bit like all those long sunny summer holidays we all had when we were kids. They weren't, but we like to think of them that way. And a good thing too or we all might as well pack in now!
    zed, tommygoldy and Moons like this.
  14. Moons

    Moons Supporter

    There's dreams and then there are actions.

    Anyone can have dreams, just eat cheese before bed.

    I'm into evolution not revolution.

    Maximise what you have...pop your head up from time to time and check your bearing and course.

    I can understand the revolution....rip it up and start again....but I genuinely believe that it rarely works in a sustained way.

    Personally I'd be having a seriously long look at any country near the med as this refugee challenge is just the tip of that iceberg.... I'd be fine with my mortgage free free holding....but what life might I be giving my kids?

    And when they are done with Peter Rabbit and the nearest town is 20 miles away? And when I get old and need looking after and they are maybe competing with dirt cheap immigrant labour?

    At least in this country there's some fairly safe assumption....in revoloution world....all bets are off no?

    In my line we talk about informed decisions...the thorns and the rose.
    chad likes this.
  15. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

    Yep. That's the dreambreaker right there.

    I would suggest people do as the op in this thread is doing and research thoroughly a life changing dream.
    tommygoldy likes this.
  16. @Moons you're being rude again. Others on here have made comments that are practical and realistic which are offered as constructive advice, and which I appreciate. What I don't particularly value are angry, opinionated and arrogant remarks.

    I'm happy to admit that I'm entertaining a degree of fantasy in my original post - I'm asking to what extent my ideas are realistic, and positive or not I particularly value the input of those who have experienced life-changing moves in a similar direction.

    So far all you've really brought to the table is the opinion that I'm in danger of somehow providing a substandard upbringing for my kids. I don't know what you've based that idea on (you've not provided us with any concrete arguments), but whatever it is it's a fairly offensive viewpoint. You're against home schooling - that's fine, I've noted your opinion. From where I stand it's something that's worth considering depending what the particular circumstances are, not something you can make sweeping generalisations about. There are bad schools and parents who are great teachers (and vice versa). Right now we couldn't do a good job of educating our kids as the pressures of work are too great. I do have a flexi-schooling arrangement with the school which means we spend one day of the week learning together. It's been great and her teachers are more than happy that she's making good progress.

    Ultimately my "fantasy" would be to provide a life for my family that is filled with as much meaning and purpose as possible, where as individuals we are able to experience as much freedom as possible. The details are open to debate, and either way I accept that there is bound to be some hard work along the way and compromises to be made. But I don't think it's reasonable to dismiss the whole idea out of hand. It's certainly not helpful.
    MrsVolkswombat and zed like this.
  17. Zed

    Zed Gradually getting grumpier

    Income is the deal breaker. If you have work, you have respect and you meet people. If you don't need to work much to sustain your chosen life it's obviously going to be easier. If you listened to the nay-sayers you're life will continue as it is. I wouldn't live in London for all the tea in China.

    If you were living in a village in France, small income, everyone happy but seemingly "getting nowhere" in the sunshine, and came on here asking whether people thought it would be a good idea to up sticks and move to London and try and buy a house I wonder what would be the advice then? Probably more stick with what you know, why risk it, why move the children's schooling etc? lol
    tommygoldy likes this.
  18. Moons

    Moons Supporter

    Are we seriously going to do this again - aren't you bored of it?

    You ask for opinion on a public forum - plainly you then need to referee the answers.

    The ongoing need you seem to have of moving a persons words into a personal attack really wares thin, debate school 101 - make it personal about the other person, if you can't, make it personal about yourself.

    Notice I've named you NO times, yet you call me out three times on this thread alone. Believe me, I'd happily name you if I wanted to.

    So on to the subject at hand - bluntly - I couldn't give two farts about what you do - I've never met you, and your last efforts to avoid actually addressing my points lead me to conclude we'll never get on.

    Did I give my input some serious thought - yes.

    Was this a waste of time - plainly yes as I missed the part where I have to evidence my thoughts yet no one else does - for the record I did enjoy the part where you and/or your partner think that north of London has a different climate zone. Did they evidence that? Why not? I bet you must of hounded them about that lack of science, probably put half a sugar in their tea that night as ruddy revenge.

    So there we have it, shock horror, someone doesn't always enter into the jingoistic bum squeezing matedom of planet fantasy. I would imagine this will bother you a lot more than it bothers me (£100 says you'll either pee your pants answering this, or scrub off and say I'm being personal or correct my grammar). Or cue someone else stating I'm a bounder that can't type or spell....

    BTW whilst we are examining facts and insinuations - I notice that one minute on this thread you are a qualified teacher, then a couple of days back, you are have enough points for your PGSE - so not a qualified teacher then.. When you reach astronaut, excellent. Wonder if they award MSc's in rural France.

    I've made ZERO effort to fence you or anyone else in on their opinions here, shame you can't say the same - but as we are playing that game - have a read back on YOUR postings and see how many times you contradict yourself. And no, I won't bother pointing them out to you.

    So there we have it - you think I'm a tool* and I conclude it's mutual.

    *don't get all apologist about it - it's ok to not like someone else, I do it all the time - it's highly recommended, very liberating!

    I'll finish with a genuine and honest I hope you have an absolute hoot finding out all about it and doing it all, every part of it - and inevitably I await your reply because let's face it, you can't help yourself :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2015
    chad likes this.
  19. Moons

    Moons Supporter

  20. Moons

    Moons Supporter


    Undoubtedly it's hard to take 'the dream chasers' seriously when they only prospered due to a general rise in the housing market. We all rile against the morality of capitalism, maybe I'm the only one not in denial about how I benefit from it.

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