Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Jonboy_t, Sep 16, 2018.

  1. I have a cat. I hate my cat. The only reason we have the little s**t machine is because my missus started on about having a kid about 10 years ago and I thought it might delay that conversation turning into an unnecessary argument. After all, they only live a couple of years, don’t they? No. No, they don’t. They live forever. They are immortal. Cats and a DFS sale are the only two sure fire survivors come the apocalypse.

    Anywho. I have just spent a year single-handedly redoing my garden from nothing and am pretty proud of my lush green lawn. Apparently, the feline Hitler that owns my house is also pretty fond of it too and shows his gratitude for my hard labour by laying cat eggs all over it.

    Does anyone know a legal way of stopping the spawn of Satan and his dirty little habits? I’ve coated the lawn in a mixture of garlic, chilli powder and washing up liquid to deter him, but i think he must be a bit partial to a Bhuna as it seems to have done nothing to stop him.

    Help me. Please, help me.
    77 Westy, scrooge95, snotty and 3 others like this.
  2. You’re in trouble I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes when @Ermintrude and @Merlin Cat read this, me, I love cats :rolleyes:
  3. Hessian sack a couple of weights and a canal spring to mind! My mate said it worked a treat!
    Lasty likes this.
  4. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    Mark Darby, Louey, Ermintrude and 2 others like this.
  5. If I wasn’t a cat lover which I am, I would buy some upholsterers tacks and spread them all over the lawn the cat would soon get the message , not that I would do that cos I love cats:rolleyes:
  6. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    Ha ha. My oldest cat lived to 19 :)

    Have you tried lion poo? Are you sure it’s your cat? Mine either comes in to use the litter tray, or goes in my neighbours :thumbsup:
    crossy2112 and Ermintrude like this.
  7. No no no, you’ll frighten the poor fish in the canal :mad:
    Merlin Cat and Bulletooth like this.
  8. On a serious note we bought our house 4 years ago and only viewed during the day, when we finally moved in we realised the (slightly barmy but incredibly nice) next door neighbour used to partake in feeding cats from her front door. I came home one day to find 30 plus cats on her lawn (all feral mind) i tried everything to keep em out of my garden to no avail, lion pooh, fence spikes, water bottles, cat scarer! She died in jan this year and cats protection rounded them all up and shipped them off to farms!
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  9. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Apparently, my Mrs tells me and we are owned by a feral cat and two of her offspring, that cats and wildlife don’t like doing their business where humans have. Try peeing on your lawn in various places. I have it on good authority it works and your neighbours regard you as god!
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  10. It’s definitely my cat doing the do, he won’t go anywhere but on my lawn.

    Can’t really put anything on the lawn because, not long after the cat became my owner, we had a little ‘un anyway! If it wasn’t so annoying, the irony of it would be laughable. But it’s is, so it isn’t.

    The absolute worst part of it for me is that my nipper loves the flippin thing, so making it disappear would lead to more problems :(
    CollyP, crossy2112 and Merlin Cat like this.
  11. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Moderator

    Sorry, I typed god when I meant ‘odd’
    Gingerbus, crossy2112 and Merlin Cat like this.
  12. Delusions of grandeur there me thinks!!!
  13. Get a dog!

    Oh sorry I typed that wrong, I meant to say 12 bore shot gun! Next time you catch it undoing your fine work let one off in the air, warning shot! If it does it again..........BOOM! No more Marmite on your lawn! :thumbsup:
  14. Hose pipe works
    or get a dog to help balance the universe
    Low n slow, scrooge95 and Merlin Cat like this.
  15. They know where he lives...................Be afraid, very afraid.
    Merlin Cat and Barry Haynes like this.
  16. What about buying a plastic vicious dog, and place that on your lawn ...with the occasional aggressive bark .
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  17. Baysearcher

    Baysearcher [secret moderator]

    Your cat must really hate you to sh*t in its own garden.
    Gingerbus, Merlin Cat and Suss like this.
  18. What about a dirt box on your lawn ? And one of those claw thangs with balls on to play with whilst it’s sitting ?
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  19. My Charlie will be 19 on Friday cat pooh is something you'll have to live with.

    Sent from my BND-L21 using Tapatalk
    snotty and Merlin Cat like this.
  20. No. Do you have a good recipe? I presume this is one of these new foods they sell in Waitrose and fancy dan hipster run deli’s in Shoreditch?

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