Can you remember your first day at work ?.

in poptop style

Me first day at work was the culmination of years of home mechanics , i had fixed my bikes since the age of four , stabilisers on the front wheel was a faux pau ,

My dads mate John across the road was a senior service smoking home mechanic , he was a ex tt racer and a local legend with bikers , he liked me and patiently taught me some bits and bobs of home mechanics on the Bedford dormobiles he had a passion for , his daughter was a bit of alright too .

Another buddy of mine was the famous jeff moore aka vangoff , a air brushing dope smoking vw nut , i spent ages prepping vans and beetles ready for him to add his magic flair to , the quality of his work was second to none , i wonder if any of his master pieces still exist .

Between them they convinced me that working for my dad in his decorating firm was not for me , i loved mechanics , vws and body work ,my mission then was to find a job doing both .

I left school with a mediocre qualifications , if John had a uglier and less accomodating daughter i might have done bettter , i digress , my aim was apprenticeship in mechanics .

By sheer chance a local body shop/vehicle repair centre was looking to take one on , usual terms ,on contract and a promise to send me to college each tuesday , 50p per hour maximum £15 per week including saturdays .

The day i began work i was soo excited i could'nt sleep , i got up at 3 am, woke the whole house and younger sister and brother got up too , they were just as excited .

Eventually Mum and dad got up at 5am complaining mockingly of my excitement .

Mum had bought me a new lunch box and dad had got me some mechanics overalls , this must have been a wrench for dad as he had taught me about painting and decorating since i could walk , every school hol i had worked for him on sites and i could paint n decorate with the best , but deep in his heart he knew it was'nt for me and mechanics was what i wanted to do , he contented himself by knowing my brother was more into p +d than me .

Dad usually had a quick bite and then shot off to sort out his men and run them to site , this morning he hung around casually and when the time came took his excited 16 year old to his new career .

Ron the boss was waiting in his red rally overalls , i said hello and he took me inside to meet Paul my new work mate , Paul was clad in exactly the same overalls and had his hair styled exactly like Ron , they looked like the beach boys met wacky races .

Donning my brand spanking new overalls that dad had got from the builders merchants brought howls off laughter , they were merciless , i coulda died , i then took out my new sandwich box , it had the words mechanic on it and was bright red ,they could'nt believe their luck and fell about laughing , again they ripped into it full tilt , i explained my mum had bought it as she was proud of me , it earned me a full days mummys boy treatment , it later turned to @hailfrank when i bit at a paricuarly cruel joke about me mum .

All day long ( in fact all the time i was there ) they were cruel , they just could'nt help themselves i was so gullible , i was eating a sandwich and asked if oil gets everywhere , this nearly choked them ,they had put it in between my ham and bread , they sent me to the chippy which was two miles away , then told me i was too late to eat mine as i had missed my lunch hour , they docked me 50p from my wages for being late - ouch .

At the end of the day i walked home feeling sad and mistaken , it was'nt friendly banter , it was full on nastyness , they gave me dead legs , i was 9 stone wringing wet they were twice my size , they twisted my arm up my back until i begged for mercy , handed me hot pieces of metal that made me wince .

The worst of it was they had this private sniggger thing going on , they looked at each other , sniggered and did something to me , man it was degrading and i had no built in response .

I never brought it up with my dad , he was hard bugger and would have taken his blokes down and done em over , i just said it was fine and got on with it .

They made going to college almost impossible each day things got worse , they were just mean bullies ,

After 6 month's they decided to grease me knackers , i legged it ,they caught me and strung me upside down on the engine hoist , cool me knacks were gonna get a greasing , i was strung upside down with the blood running to my head and me nether regions were gonna get the 3 in 1 treatment , finally after a hour of verbal torture , the grease brothers set about their task , greasemaster 2 surprised me with the swiftness he undid my zip to expose my shrunken todger , greasemaster 1 slopped great handfuls of cold axle grease around my maggot and plums until they could'nt get any more into my overalls and pants -- Nice feeling , hanging there plums exposed and the blood popping me head , I took it nay bother .

They then did the singuarly most embarassing thing to me in my life that far , they brought in the gorgeous 20 year old cashier from the forecourt next door , i had been chatting her up for six month's and really liked her , she came in shreiked , put her hand to her mouth and giggled .

My life was over , i wanted to disappear up my own harris , maybe with that much axle grease around it i could have .

They let me down and i struggled to stand upright , i pulled my keks into some sort of proper position and picked up a long screwdriver , as i told them to stick their effin job up the ar ses i purposely scraped the screwdriver down the side of a marina that had just been resprayed from front to back a 1/4 inch gauge , they took this serious and went for me big time , i held fast and waving the screwdriver told em i would kill them if they came near me , they did'nt .

i left and got a job with a local fruit n veg shop , it was the best job i ever had and the best boss.

One night greaser 2 met me in a pub by accident , he wished he had'nt after !.