So you’re sat in your car at Ardrossan in storm Dennis

Make a mental note to put the handbrake on.

 

Put a second pair of pants on

 

Turn around

 

what tunnel ...

 

Stay put!

 

Be prepared for the stench of spew all the way to Arran ...then have a haggis curry when you get there .

 

Give it a miss for fear of the likes of Paul McCartney and Boy George singing a charity single to benefit your family....

 

Sitting in your underpants, you say ?

 

Have you been sick yet?

 

Man the lifeboats!

 

What happens next did you say? Right, so it's a Question Of Sport is it?


Er, does Harvey Smith jump the line of cars, then turn to the camera and flick a V?

 

Put ya big boy pants on !

 

Get on that ship, ya big girl’s blouse!

 

had many a rough night off the Scottish coast

 

For a small extra charge, they’ll lash you to the mast...