old farts do make you laugh thou huh

Anyone got an app for translating this lot? Thought I'd mastered most English a long time ago.

 

Maybe we should have some sort of entrance exam, anyone who can jog for more than 10 minutes is out for starters and being able to put your socks on without sitting down is a complete no no.

 

what are socks please.

 

I survived another week of football, don't feel too bad....I'll join another TLB club, I am just too fit to fit in here ^-^

I'll stop by and check on you all from time to time, check a few pulses, take you out to the seaside...you know the sort of thing.

 

You can be our boy for putting 50p each way bets on at the bookies and picking up our snout from the newsagents.