Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30. Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you Illegitimate child!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!" I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
Tom was working in the garden this weekend and his wife was upstairs, about to take a shower. Tom realized that he couldn't find the rake and yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She couldn't really hear him and shouted back, "What?" He pointed to his eye, and then he pointed to his knee and made a raking motion His wife was a bit puzzled and again said "What?" He repeated the gestures. "Eye - Kneed - The Rake" His wife indicated that she understood and signaled back. She first pointed to her eye, next she pointed to her left breast, then she pointed to her backside and finally to her crotch.Well, there was no way in hell Tom could even come close to that one. Exasperated, he went upstairs and asked her, "What the hell was that?" She replied, Scroll on - it is worth it, > > > > > > > >> > > > > > > > "Eye - Left Tit - Behind – The Bush"
i said ta my wife the other day ,do you think im thick or sumat she said ,dont i always walk like this
