Tips

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DUBious, Aug 18, 2011.

  1. Got any tips to share with your LB friends, pop em here.........................


    First off :


    Don't eat yellow snow

    A dripping tap can stop your pipes freezing in winter
     
  2. Dont give all your tips away as someone else will do you out of buisness lol
     
  3. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

     
  4. Lol @ Poptop

    Ive you mix pine resin with wood ash on a warm stone it makes a good tempary filling for a tooth
     
  5. tip for if you run out of hand cleaner and you get all oily
    squirt washing up liquid on your hand and add half a spoon of sugar (not icing but normal granulated!!!), rub in and rinse in warm water. lovely clean hands!
     
  6. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

     
  7. WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
    MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught.
    GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.
    EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.
    MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire - then turn it down three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
    DRIVERS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone while driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
    BANGING two pistachio nut shells together gives the' impression a very small horse' is approaching.
    DON'T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
    CINEMAGOERS: Have consideration for pirate DVD viewers by using the toilet before the film starts.
    DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
    PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by moving everything into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, move it all back again.
    CAR THIEVES: Don't be discouraged if nothing is on view. The valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
    RAPPERS: Avoid having to say: "Know what I'm sayin'" all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
    SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
    SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside Topshop with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
    EMPLOYEES: Only use the loo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid.
    SCROOGES: Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender with the simple inscription "Same to you".
    MICRA DRIVERS: Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the thing like a sodding dodgem car anyway.
    ANGLERS: Attach a helium balloon to your line and bait the hook with an acorn. Then sit under a tree and "fish" for squirrels. An upturned laundry basket would make an ideal keep-net, but don't forget to throw the squirrels back into the tree at the end of the day.
    SINGLE MEN: Get a glimpse of married life by taping Woman's Hour on Radio 4, then playing it back at a higher volume than the TV while trying to watch something on Discovery Wings.
    TIGHT-ARSED blokes: Only date girls called Natalie, Carol, Holly or Eve. Chances are their birthday is around Christmas and you won't have to shell out for a present until then, by which time they will have chucked you.
    BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping it into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60mph. After three miles, phone your wife to take the egg out the pan.
    SHOPPERS: Take one grape to the till. It won't register on the low-tech, insensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure 100 times or so and you have yourself a free bunch of grapes.
    McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
    A POST-IT Note stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil lip-readers.
    AMERICANS: Save valuable time by not pending "God bless America" to your every sentence.
    TOWN COUNCILS: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind folk with pointy sticks.
    WHEN visiting a motorway service station for a cup of tea and a slice of cake, make sure you arrange your bank loan or second mortgage before you get to the tills, saving time and embarrassment.
    CYCLISTS: Avoid getting a sore behind by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack.
    HOUSEWIVES: Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.
    SKY TV viewers: Avoid repetitive strain injury by holding down the "prog+" button on your remote control and taping your finger in place.
    YOUNG mothers: Calm hysterically crying children in the supermarket by firmly slapping their legs and then tugging them along by the wrist.
    PHILANDERERS: Avoid the embarrassment of shouting out the wrong name in bed by having flings only with girls who have the same name as your wife.
    FOOTBALLERS: Remember there is plenty of time to get drunk after your playing career has ended.
    HORSE whisperers: Speak louder. The animals will hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.
    FEMALE shop assistants: When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed and charge them £50 labour costs for the transaction.


    All courtesy of that rood northern comic.
     
  8. hailfrank

    hailfrank Admin esq.

    [​IMG]
     
  9. Poptop2

    Poptop2 Administrator

    Don't whistle with a mouth full of custard !.
     
  10. Certain willow bark contains natural asprin
     
  11. Tip top Tiptons top tips for tourism (Viz)
     
  12. Cooled charcoal from a wood fire when swallowed will absorb toxins
     
  13. Chalk is an excellent alternative to Rennies
     
  14. King alfreds cakes are an easy way to carry fire from camp to camp
     
  15. Dried sphagnum moss is a good wound dressing and has antibacterial properties
     
  16. Rose hips can be easily made into a syrup and have more vitamin c than oranges
     
  17. When crossing a water course always start up stream of where you want to end up
     
  18. If a guy line or peg loop has become unattached from your shelter insert a pebble or pine cone into the fold and wrap cord in a knot around it as a temp fix
     
  19. A bar of soap will slow a leak in a diesel tank if applied to the leaking area
     

Share This Page