Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. Woodworm walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
     
  2. What is the best thing about living in Switzerland?

    Well, the flag is a big plus.
     
  3. I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
     
  4. So - if you had said in 1974, when I voted YES , that we would never be able to get out again - EVER - even if it had changed beyond all recognition - then I would have voted NO. .... sorry but this is no joke.
     
  5. Pulled a sickie today.

    another benefit of working in a hospital.
     
  6. Two pieces of string in a bar.
    Another one walks in.
    “Are you a piece of string?”, asks one price of string.
    “ No”, is the reply...
    I’m afraid not.
     
  7. 72986776_1538810952925736_296647794792333312_n.jpg
     
    Kkkaty, cunny44, Uncle Nick and 8 others like this.
  8. My budgie broke his leg today. I made him a splint from a match. Ahh his little face lit up when he tried to walk.
     
  9. “One mans trash is another mans treasure”.

    beautiful sentiment, terrible way to tell someone they’re adopted.
     
  10. Ffs, another little wooden ball?!

    would it kill the makers of Avocado to change the little present every now and then?
     
  11. I’m off looking at a house with period features tomorrow.

    she hates it when I call her that.
     
  12. lol
     
  13. I was in bed with my new lady friend last night, and she said I’ve got the biggest and nicest willy ever :)

    Ozziedog,,,,,,,,,,, I said “You’re pulling my leg”:);):)
     
    Merlin Cat and Pudelwagen like this.
  14. What did you do with her guide dog?
     
    Merlin Cat likes this.
  15. Terrordales

    Terrordales Nightshift Mod

    70990573_2482546488498721_6568256269881180160_n.jpg
     
  16. Terrordales

    Terrordales Nightshift Mod

    75328629_2598276973552200_6638754219560009728_n.jpg
     
  17. I bought my vegan friend a fancy vegan cookbook. Unfortunately, he said he couldn’t take it as it was leather bound. Which made it too heavy for him to pick up.
     
    Pony, Gingerbus, Merlin Cat and 3 others like this.
  18. Vlad, the vampire bat, was known to be not too successful at finding his next meal, so when he returned to the roost with blood dripping from his chin, the others were very impressed.

    "Hey Vlad, where did you get all that from, eh?", they asked.

    "Look" said Vlad, "See that huge tree in the distance?".

    "Oh yes", they responded.

    "Well, I didn't", Vlad admitted.
     
  19. I put on a bit of weight recently, so I phone weightwatchers and said “it’s an emergency, can you send someone round?”

    they said “yes, we’ve got loads of them”
     
    CollyP, Pudelwagen and Jack Tatty like this.

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