Joke

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Barry Haynes, Apr 8, 2016.

  1. i've been painting the hall for hours now and i'm sweating so bad i've started dehydrating !
    ***** knows why they recommend doing it in two coats ...
     
    14platoon, Coco, Barneyrubble and 2 others like this.
  2. I bought some paint the other day that said "Store in a cool place", so I posted it to Jamaica.
     
    jivedubbin, Coco, Zed and 2 others like this.
  3. Ive got some painting to do tomorrow. It says on the tin to stir well before use. So I stirred it last week.
     
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  4. [​IMG]

    David Cameron was visiting a Glasgow primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.
    The teacher asked Mr Cameron if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
    So the the prime minister asked the class if they could think of an example of a tragedy.
    A little boy stood up and said, 'If my best friend is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
    'Incorrect,' said Cameron, 'That would merely be an accident.'
    A little girl stood up and said 'If a school bus carrying thirty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
    'I'm afraid not', said Cameron, 'That's what we would call a great loss'.
    The room went silent. No other kid volunteered. Cameron searched the room.
    'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
    Finally, little Johnny raised his hand from the back of the class and said, 'If a plane carrying you and all the Tory M.P.s was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
    'Fantastic!' exclaimed Cameron, 'And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
    'Well,' said little Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!
     
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  5. I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

    I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."

    But she did.
     
  6. I took part in my very first spell of fast bowling today.

    Nervously, I began from a 30 yard run up, got to the line and swung my arm like Sir Ian Botham in his prime. To my delight, the ball flew from my hand, sending wood flying everywhere.

    To my astonishment, I was then escorted from the premises.

    Apparently, that's not how you play ten pin bowling.
     
    Jack Tatty likes this.
  7. Barry Haynes

    Barry Haynes I dance in leopard skin mankini’s

    ”I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a Marmitezu.”
     
  8. Barry Haynes

    Barry Haynes I dance in leopard skin mankini’s

    Sorry the filter won't let me say breed of dog I'll try again
    Marmitezu
    Marmitezu
     
    14platoon, 72wilma and Barneyrubble like this.
  9. That's funnier than the original joke :lol:
     
    Pony, 72wilma, jivedubbin and 7 others like this.
  10. I'd hate to imagine how it would try to handle (mangle?) any reference to a certain north Lincolnshire town, between Doncaster & Grimsby, just north of the M180...!
     
  11. Testing...Scunthorpe
     
  12. Barry Haynes

    Barry Haynes I dance in leopard skin mankini’s

    So do you recon I could do the who put the ? In Scunthorpe joke
     
  13. bernjb56

    bernjb56 Supporter

    Nope :hattip:
     
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  14. Merlin Cat

    Merlin Cat Moderator

    No.
     
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  15. Barry Haynes

    Barry Haynes I dance in leopard skin mankini’s

    As if I would:)
     
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  16. This bloke said to me, 'im going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.
    'l said is that a fret..
     
    14platoon, Kkkaty, Jack Tatty and 2 others like this.
  17. Pudelwagen

    Pudelwagen Supporter

    He's not in Scunthorpe, he's in Downing Street.
     
    72wilma, Barry Haynes and the2ems like this.
  18. please heed his warning, do not under any circumstances do what I did and use Tesco dating service, I ended up with a bag for life.
    (not really she's fab)
     
    MK-Bay and Barry Haynes like this.
  19. i spent a weekend in scunny a few years ago , wild place wild women lol :thumbsup::rolleyes:
     

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