Joke

I had a central heating engineer round the other day and while he was working away he said, "I see you’re a darts man, like myself."
I asked how he worked that out and he replied, "That photo on the fireplace of you and Jocky Wilson.”
I replied, "That’s my wife mate."

 

I used to get a valentines card from a secret admirer, every year, without fail. I didn’t this year . Just typical of the luck I’m having, first my gran dies, now this.

 

My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left

 

Coats all round, please...

 

Many years ago a carnival came to town.
Myself and some mates went along for a laugh, hook a duck etc etc.
There was an absolutely stunning girl running the cork shooting, air rifle stand.
I spent a fortune there and spent all night doing my best to win fair maiden..........

it worked and we went round the back to the soft toy store room for a quick fumble.
When finished and very pleased with myself I asked "how was it for you"
After less than a moments thought she said...........

Any toy form the bottom shelf...................

 

Punctuation matters, people.

There’s a Maypole dancer! Or....

Theresa May, pole dancer!

 

Don't. You'll get Baz all hot and bothered.

 

Was that @bernjb56 ??

 

Certainly got told that one a few times over the years, along with:

Customer - Have you got cotton wool balls?
Chemist - What do you think I am? A teddy bear?

 

Or you could have replied “ No, I always walk like this”. There you go Bern, you can have that one for free

 

.

 

Have you ever used the phrase "Ball or Aerosol"?

 

“Anything for the weekend, Sir?”

 

"Emptying a cement mixer, Sir? Imodium should help with that."

 

Stop it now