THIS IS A PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT A VERY IMPORTANT WARNING PLEASE READ. ...If someone comes to your front door and asks you to remove your clothes and dance with your arms in the air, DO NOT do this, it is a scam, they just want to see you naked. please copy and paste this to your status,..... I wish I had received this yesterday,I feel stupid now.... :-(
Phoned the RSPCA this morning, “I’ve just been through the woods and found a suitcase with 5 badgers in it” “Oh, that’s terrible”, said the lady, “are they moving?” “Not sure, but that would explain the suitcase”
I found it hard to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job at the Council road mending dept. But when I got home... All the signs were there.
I've just brought a Christmas Tree and the bloke said "are you gonna put it up yourself?" I said "no, I was thinking the lounge"
the queen and prince philip laying in bed xmas eve , the queen pulls the bed sheet up to her neck, and says PHILIP looks i am a stamp so lick me now lick me
Where does Father Christmas go to enjoy a mixture of badminton, horse-riding and subtropical swimming? Santa Parcs.
I know Snots. I’ve let you down, I’ve let TLB down, but most of all I’ve let myself down . I am going away for a period of reflection. My family are standing by me at this difficult time etc etc.....
An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’ He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca’s, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’ She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’ The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’ He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.
What do you call a man with no arms and legs,in the sea? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and legs under a pile of leaves? Russell. What do you call a man with no arms and legs led behind the front door? Matt.
How do you describe a chap that uses a Dyson vacuum with 2 different birds of prey on each shoulder, at night, with no lights on? Hawk,Kestral man hoovers in the dark. Don’t worry,it’s on,zipped up and I’m out the door...
